Wake up? Yes? No?

Remaining days at Avnet: 21 days
Action: Eating breakfast and blogging
Venue: Office
Surrounding: Noone except the radio on

I didn't sleep a slightest bit, instead did alot of soul-searching and thinking.. A minor glitch, which I intend to bury it deeply in my heart, happened last nite, tat made me feel lighter.. The glitch isn't a good thing but it kinda spur me to move on.. Time to close this chapter of my life and our saga is history.. Think I have got the answer I want and I shd set my heart at rest and be prepared for future challenges to come.. I am a rather stupid person, to lodge complaints of the family.. Yes, family makes you sad sometimes, yet at the end of the day, they are the ones who will always be with you no matter what.. I complain does not mean I don't love them.. think they mean much more to me than anything else.. I complain cuz I care so much that their words and comments affect me greatly.. Nonetheless, my family made up a very important part of my life.. nothing is more important now to me than the wellbeing of my family.. From today onwards, I will work hard in vacuuming the dirt off my mind, treasure people around me and learn to live life as happily as possible.. One day I will flash a genuine smile, not just a smile that shields a teary heart.. I will be good..

To all my frens who are reading this entry: Thank you for your concern, I know you care, that's why you are here.. I am coping now and I'm sure one day I will recover completely and deal with life as a braver warrior..

My Everyday

Sunday 2 Jan 2005
Wat was I up to today?? Well well, it was pouring when I woke up at 10.30am.. supposed to meet lian for karaoke yet i woke up at this hour and the outside is rainning cats and dogs.. lian offer to pick me up in their ordered cab *so sweet*.. we reached k box hougang by 1130am.. my lunch was pineapple fried rice served with 2 curry mimosa and 2 slices of orange.. hungry me swallow them all.. lian had the same as me while terence munched on his katsu curry set.. fernie joined us by 1230 and she had the best deal -- yaki mono set!! a chicken and unagi combi set.. had a great time singing with my best k-mates :) after tat went to hg mall.. try to bargain for fernie a ear piece yet failed *arggghh...* had snacks in magic wok with elena joining in.. fernie had to go plaza sing while elena hit home since school opens tomolo.. we, the trio went into a vcd shop and spent a loooong time selecting the cheap cheap karaoke vcds available.. so i burnt $9.90 into a FIR k-vcd.. taiwanese import i think, tat explains the low price.. yet great deal as it came in 2 vcds.. at home, i watched Forrest Gump DVD loan from fernie's kor then accompany mother for dinner at rivervale mall.. no appetite yet i downed 2 pratas, quite sinful.. gotta work tomolo haizz.. yet left 17 days and counting after tomolo..

Saturday 1 Jan 2005
Happy New Year 2005! Quick one ~ Today, met up elena for lunch at kopithiam then k-boxing with fernie, fernie's bro and gf (Yingjie) till 7.. hit fernie's home for aunty's hay-mee.. quick quick rush out to plaza sing accompany Yingjie shopping.. aunty's car broke down (then up), our shopping trip became a rushy rush rush one.. so we hurry go back b4 the car gets crappy again.. back at fernie's home, we play uno then switch to dou xiao dian before fernie drove me home..

Highlights of the day: Yingjie soooo sweet.. Taiwanese lady with fluent mandarin.. easy going and absolutely cute.. hmm.. charlotte down down today.. gotta keep the spirits up ok! carrie also abit down from last nite's saga with bf.. yet she managed to keep her mood up.. I am FINE today though i admitted tat i did cry last nite.. yet it ended v v soon.. just a relieve tat 2004 has finally ended and 2005 marks a new beginning and a new life.. I pray to God tat all my resolutions will come true.. kekekez.. so greedy and kns!!! :P

Friday 31 Dec 2004
New Year's Eve.. this day has arrived finally --- the last day of the year.. after today, 2004 will be history.. kept lamenting how fast time flies.. 20 more days as an employee of Avnet.. pretty touched today as I realised I am so well liked by everyone in the warehouse.. Betsy came to conduct exit interview, told me to call her if I ever want to work for Avnet again.. Florence came to talk to me.. ya touched.. still not told the warehouse guys i'll be gone soon.. everyone's happi in the new yr lunch buffet just now.. yet dunno how's their reactions when I break the news.. sad? happy? or perhaps no feelings at all.. afterall, i've been here for 2 yrs and get along well with everyone.. i wonder if they'll rem me after i became history.. anyway, the past shd be archived and move on with life.. be going to lian's house for dinner at 8pm.. so will be turning down saporo and jack's invitation.. feels abit bad cuz they are so lonely yet i can't offer my company.. glad tat i'm popular, afterall :)

Thursday 30 Dec 2004
Ya, I din sleep the whole of last nite and feeling abit lethargic today.. somehow saw the light after yest's saga.. from today onwards will be better lar.. tomolo is new yr eve liao and I have nothing in store.. long long time ago planned to celebrate with lian and terence yet terence's mother came to visit from Sabah.. our eve plan changed to become their family outing.. I have no complaints here since i respect the elders and people have their own family matters to handle.. oh well, i have absolutely no plans then.. can either choose to go drinking with saporo or meet up jack for dunno-wat.. my head starts pounding due to deprivation of sleep.. i gotta go to bed when my hair's dry after the shampoo.. kinda sleepy liao..

Wednesday 29 Dec 2004
Today doesnt seem right.. super bad hair day.. flat like dunno wat.. and ultra bad skin day.. pimples popping out and dunno i din apply makeup properly or not enough makeup.. din bring the lipstick along, so i look pale like uncooked carrot cake.. haiz.. stomachache and felt like shitting.. wed blues.. abit lethargic today and not happy at work.. evil tots came to my mind.. feel like just throwing everything aside, pack my bag and leave.. life dun seem easy.. maybe there are simply too many things in my mind tat i shd let go.. i hope one day, i will.....

met allis online and we chat abt my mother.. i've been a lonely child since young.. sis gets along better with bro and they always gang up to bully me.. i'm always forgotten, sis adores bro more and always take him out with her frens while i am kept at home.. i rem talking to the mirror, talking to my pillow while mother is taking her nap.. so i like to mix with younger cousins, talk loud and big like a da-jie-da.. inside i am an empty shell.. emotionally weak and there's noone who understands me at home.. no proper communication.. my parents are implicit people.. adultery and infidelity affected me alot as been experienced in the family..

talking abt my mother.. i love her.. she is a woman with a very strong character.. barely 18, she married dad and by 23, all the 3 of us were manufactured.. she shouldered so much hardships to bring us up.. dad was always not at home and our discipline is harsh.. its too tough on her when she is so young, uneducated, unemployed and overburdened by 3 do-re-mi children.. her lowly educated background does not make her a smooth talker, neither can she make out what to say and what not to say.. to her, being a responsible mother is bringing up all the children, making sure they have food to eat and proper clothes to wear, serve the husband, clean the house and make it a sparkling heaven.. she did not realise how important COMMUNICATION is.. and how can EDUCATION make and build up a person.. she is terribly thrifty and does not believe in spending on education.. education to her is a WASTE of money.. if u have to study, go for the cheapest mode like government schools.. if u cant get into government schools then give up the tot of studying cuz private colleges or overseas universities are super EXPENSIVE and usually they CHEAT ur money.. been rather affected by words she said sometimes.. and sometimes cant get any support from her.. not even moral support, which makes me totally upset :(

my graduation ceremony is something nobody cares about and nobody is interested in attending, such a waste of $$ to travel all the way to Perth.. my honors year offer letter went into the thrash, cuz the offer is just a scam to CHEAT more $$ out from u.. my salary is the only concern when my resignation decision is made known.. wat about my job satisfaction?? wat abt my happiness in the workplace..?? does anyone care abt tat..?? i am feeling terribly sore over the graduation thingy.. once in a lifetime thing, yet i cant see myself in a formal graduation robe, stepping onto UWA grounds, receiving my certificate from the vice chancellor on the threattre stage.. all these can be relived in my dreams or perhaps in the next lifetime.. trust me, u will feel super warm if u have ur family ard u, taking a picture with smiles while u r in a graduation robe.. ya ya, order a graduation photo package lar.. believe me, the feeling is totally different and the magic moment is non existent.. anyone can order a photo package, but not everyone can step onto the threattre stage.. a home is not a proper home without warmth, understanding and support.. my home is a beautiful home, the curtains are so clean and the marbled flooring sparkles.. yet beyond the fixtures and fittings lies an empty shell.. if i were to have my own home in future, i would make it "fresh on the outside and juicy in the inside".. invoke some humor here, else it makes this entry too sad..

TuesDay

I was there chatting with my saporo ex-co 3 hrs ago.. we talked abt ivan, abt r/s, abt other things.. he knew i am upset and tried to cheer me up.. but he failed.. today is just another of the downdown dayz.. i know i have been thinking too much again and there's noone and no medicine tat can cure this syndrome.. issit called down syndrome..?? turning abit crappy here.. ya, I AM DOWN TODAY.. might appear nonchalant in chats, so pple, pls FORGIVE ME.. I dunno why i kena this mood swing again.. spoken to ivan and prayed tat he will NOT recover my files.. he knew I am upset too and I am REALLY upset..

was thinking that life is full of disappointments, disappointments of many sorts.. these few days i experienced several, perhaps they made up some of the reasons for this "down syndrome".. was waiting for close frens to watch kungfu with me, yet was told tat they watched it in kl.. killed all my anticipation to watch it.. was talking to mum all the while yet discovered she wasnt listening.. super disappointed here as in ur mum isnt interested in wat happened to you.. was rejoicing over the xmas gift from sis (first time in so many yrs) yet revealed tat it was a free gift.. kinda killed all the love i felt.. new yr eve plan falters.. changed plan gg drinking with saporo lor.. does anyone care? does anyone rem me?? HELLO!! am I transparent or what??! planning on a hideaway, gonna lock myself up in some chalet and disappear for a while.. I AM INVISIBLE.. ~_~

A sleepless nite

I can't sleep.. did I or did I not sleep?? I remembered going to bed at 2+, tossing and turning and finally got up to the loo at 6.. maybe I did sleep a little, maybe not.. something is on my mind (again).. I cried alittle without knowing why.. my heart is still bleeding (oh is it??).. perhaps this year is ending and I have to begin a new chapter of my life.. feels kinda nostalgic and sometimes can't bear to let the past memories fade.. I felt uneasy letting others (ivan) touch my comp.. he copied my files into his portable harddisk.. though the files was eventually transferred back to my harddisk yet he can always recover them if he wanted to.. I had forewarn him not to do so, yet I couldnt completely trust ivan.. I knew him too well.. he's those rather kaypoh or investigative (if it sounds better) type of guy.. he loves checking up on people and know somebody behind the mask they are hiding.. I wouldnt know he was following my blog until he asked for the new blog address.. this is ivan, whom I really detest this characteristic of him.. I have to warn him again.. there is nothing much secretive about my files.. its just some pictures and esp the chat logs I wanna keep to myself.. my privacy is important to me.. If I came to know that Ivan was going thru my documents, I would never speak to him again..

Let Us Pray..

To all the victims who suffered at the earthquake in Southeast Asia.. To all the faithful departed.. God have mercy and bless your souls..

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.. Amen..

Where was I..?

So I was MIA for a few days.. a recap on what i did..

24th Dec
Dinner at bro's hse.. highlights: bot my whole family xmas gifts this yr.. though they are somewhat inexpensive yet it contains alot of warmth and its kinda sweet :) mum got a wallet, dad got 2 pairs of montagut undies, sis a bracelet, bro a pair of levis socks, sis-in-law a pair of socks and a hand cream and ah-kai (got the most) an incredibles t-shirt, a red shirt, 3 toycars and a mini haversack.. i only got an eye shadow back from sis only.. yet no complains.. i had a great time in bro's place..

25th Dec
Ivan came to fix up my new cpu yet he left without detecting that it contains errors and kena infected virus as soon as i got connected to internet (he forgot to turn on the firewall =S) resulted in no comp for next 2 days.. went karaoke with Jack.. just the 2 of us singing and it was kinda bored.. his fren cant make it at the last min and we had nowhere else to go.. he gave me a table lamp he bot in Bangkok as xmas gift and he paid for the k session.. kinda sweet.. in the evening went shopping at compass point with sis and her bf.. had dinner at sakura and grabbed a top and a bottom in Ness sale.. 50% and 70% discount, so total damage just $24.80..

26th Dec
daytime boredom.. trip to wild wild wet with sis and nigel was cancelled.. when i woke up, mum had already bot some of the steamboat food from the market.. was nagging me all the way to 3+, wanting me to buy the remainder from ntuc.. nothing to do, so i went ntuc alone, without waiting for chris.. back home, mum helped to prepare the food.. slice, cut, organise and cover properly.. and she even bathed ah-pok fearing tat he's too smelly.. think she is much more eagered than any of us.. haha.. had a really GREAT time with the GPC members.. love all the xmas gifts i got! THANKS DEARS! received some really nice accessories from chris, a pair of exquisite chomel butterfly earrings from fernie, and my gift exchange surprise - a cutecute pictureframe with a painted butterfly.. AND, fernie also gave me a mashimaro huggie (how do u call it? pillow? soft toy..?????) let's call it a huggie lor.. hehez.. its the BIGGEST huggie I have that is BIG enough to place on the bed.. its so soft and HUGGY!! (i hugged it to sleep last nite!!) and it can really decorate my bed.. like it very much! *Thanks MEI!!!*

I dun receive alot of soft toys as gifts.. dunno why, people simply don't choose to buy soft toys for me.. do I look the realistic or materialistic type?? though soft toys are really not much of a use yet having them as gifts is a very sweet thing to me.. i actually bot the bulk of soft toys on my own.. so does that mean i am sweet to myself..??

27th Dec
On leave today.. late morning went to kovan market and heartless mall with mum while waiting for sis who's in a 1-hr session spa.. next stop to compass point delifrance for lunch and shopping in metro.. they went home while i stayed there to meet up lilian.. while waiting, i went to ness sale (again) and grabbed 2 more tops at total $24.56.. not hungry, lilian had dinner while i drank tea in the food court.. we catch up for a while and went metro for a quick shopping, exploring the underwear section.. at 6, we said goodbye as she has to go for piano classes.. we will be meeting up again tomolo.. at home, bro's here with wife and kai.. kai eyed on the silver mini beetle on my desk so i gave it to him lor.. at 8, serleong came to fix up my comp, while ivan came before 9.. it took several hrs to reformat everything and they went back before 11.. my comp is up and running on xp now :) needs some time to familiarize with xp.. have been using WINme and 2000 for 4 yrs and abit rusty to adopt new o/s.. everything will be new now.. start life afresh like what i intend to do.. counting down to new yr.. a fresh start for everything..

Are you Happy..??~!

ni kuai le mah? What is the definition of happiness? Or rather, how do YOU define happiness..??~!
Happiness is the feeling of being in heaven.. sadness is the feeling of being in hell.. is it??! is it not..???~!

Christmas Eve -- surprisingly, we were let off early at work, 12.45pm.. i had a great time shopping at Metro Tampines and finally bot gifts for my family, except ah-pok.. now then realise left out 2 gifts for frens.. haiz.. similar to last year, i spent xmas eve in bro's hse.. the gratifying feast consists of beehoon, fried rice, curry, turkey, ribs, sushi and some fried items, not forgetting the all-impt xmas log cake..! we also had shandy and dessert.. freakin stuffed and totally filled to the rim.. how many more rounds must i run and how many more laps must i swim..?? too lazy to think about that today..

ni kuai le mah? imagining happiness revolves around me.. imagining i own happiness.. If only I could wake up every morning feeling refreshed and ready for the day's challenges to come, have a job that i like, office that is conducive, colleagues just like buddies, and a boss like an angel.. If only I could have more time to be with my family, contact my frens regularly and develop my interest in music, singing, movies, reading, cooking, craftwork, etc.. If only I could have an understanding, caring and loving (preferably handsome) bf to take care of things that i am no better at.. If only I could have more resources that would allow me to travel the world, climb the highest mountain and swim the deepest seas.. If only I could.. I am asking too much, tats why none of them came true..

Are you happy??

MeRRy CHriStmAs~!~!

We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas..
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
And a Happy New Year~!

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?
In the lane, snow is glistening..
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, walking in the winter wonderland..
Gone away is the blue bird, here to stay, is a new bird..
He sings a love song, as we go along, walking in the winter wonderland..

HaVe A W0nderFul CHristmAs 2004 And A FanTastic NeW YeAR 2005~!~!

L0tSa L0vEs Fr0M
..:: SamSam ::..

Reminiscene

Friday
Christmas Eve.. nothing much to do at work and biding my luck to see if can go home early.. intending to go for a last min shopping at TM.. finally, there's an activity tonite.. be gg to bro's hse for dinner and play with kaikai.. so thinking of buying them something cuz i really dun want to go empty handed.. distributed the chocolates to all my colleagues, less the ones to the bosses.. one of them is not in today so i can save a packet of chocolates.. the other is in a meeting.. swallow 2 rochers this morning.. seldom eat chocos but its XMAS, who cares..??! trying to book a chalet during my bday period and also the time when i "rot".. 2 choices - government chalet if my police fren manages to ballot for it.. or ntuc at discounted rate.. shall wait.. tomolo ivan shall come to my hse to fix up my new cpu.. feels kinda broke but lucky today already got pay.. heheez.. hitting flies here, maybe i shd fill up my blog with words (again) + junk.. wahahaaaa...

Want to hear a story..??! about me.?? its a very innocent story, something that happened 10 years ago, about a guy.. whom i can seriously say, someone i have liked and not forgotten over the years.. he is CT, whom I know when i was in sec 2.. he's a yr younger than me, so he was in sec 1 then.. i was a prefect tat yr, so i have to stand guard behind the sec 1 classes during morning assembly.. he was in the class i was in charge of, and he sat at the very last row where i stood guard.. we would engage in chatting and teasing during morning assembly, and every silent reading session became a socializing party for us.. (of coz, in a quiet manner) slowly, i think i develop feelings for him.. everytime we met in the school canteen, we would talk.. we became close as a result and he called me da-jie while i called him xiao-di.. he was the first guy i knew who is born in April (subsequently there were 2 more).. in the first yr i knew him, i bot him a bag as his bday present.. he was really happy that time.. the following yr, i changed to the morning session while he remained in the afternoon session.. however, we still met in school and would talk everytime.. sometimes i stayed late in school and would see him during recess.. however, our time together became lesser.. yet we can still converse well... that yr, i bot him a weird-shaped mug for his bday.. he mentioned he liked it.. the following yr, my graduating yr, we were in the same session finally.. that yr, i quit being a prefect and had lesser chance of patrolling the classrooms.. the very last time i talked to him was on teacher's day celebration.. that next day after the celebration, school vacation begun.. tat day somehow, he came up to the sec4 floor, he saw me and we began chatting.. he told me he will not come back to school again after the vacation.. i tot he was joking cuz he does not seemed serious.. yet he insisted.. 1 week later, when sch reopens, i never see him again.. tat was 1996, since i last talked and see him.. i think there is never a chance i could see him again, there was no contact numbers and no friends inbetween whom we know.. and i'll never know whats the reason behind him abt departing school.. whats left behind are some sweet and innocent memories.. this has been in my mind for the past 8 yrs and i can still rem his looks clearly.. if there is a chance, or if we are fated, i do hope we could meet again, even if it is along orchard rd, a short glance is fine.. i do not know if he still remembers me, but i still do..

Thursday
Tendered my resignation today.. finally a load off my mind.. but i felt strange.. i was walking around the warehouse reminiscing the empty place before it begun construction.. 6 mths ago, I was so excited about the new place, abt the shifting and abt our new office.. i was so happy then.. brought back so much memories.. things changed every now and then.. the new warehouse is constructed, the cargoes are stacked and the new office is set up, but i am not happy, or shd i say, i am no longer as happy.. it has been a rollarcoaster ride.. things had not turned out well for me since the very first day we shifted in.. my heart was broken right on the day we shifted, so the new office makes me upset everyday.. to leave this place could be the best medicine to cure my broken heart.. thinking back, though i really dun like the job, it is not a bad place to stay afterall.. my colleagues are great and my bosses appreciate and are nice to me.. i had a long talk with the both of them this afternoon.. they are nice as usual but i am not looking back.. i wanna leave and explore more things and experience more of life.. i wanna break free from the shell and live my life all over again.. i need a break to recharge and rethink my motives.. these years of studying had made me lose myself and direction.. i dunno which path shd i take to achieve the ultimate happiness i wanna get out of life.. i need to recuperate, to recourse, and settle myself down for more challenges to come..

i had ribeye steak at jacks place for lunch today.. perhaps another experience for me cuz i rarely eat steak.. perhaps the last one i have eaten could be years ago.. i just wanted to TRY.. and i found that i liked it.. i even begun my research on the cut of steak and which part of the animal gives tender/tough meat.. Experience really counts, cuz i dun wanna live my life with an empty soul and at the end of the day found that i have not made my life worthwhile.. i need a taste of life, something that i did not get enough of in the past.. yet in the process of this, i wanna retain my good nature and will not steer my life off course.. i will still be ME except my life will be more colorful than before.. I want to live a new life again..!

Wednesday
Just another day.. counting down to tomolo when I'll throw that letter and give boss a shock.. starting to plan my activities after quitting.. *haha* nothing much today, just ate alot (aunty visiting soon) but did the aerobics with elle macpherson.. arms abit strained now.. watched league of the extraordinary gentlemen and did joanne's card.. be getting my new cpu on sat! YAY! tomolo will just be another day.. feeling Zzzz now.. nitez

Tuesday
Time to blog.. nothing much at work today, usual stuff and did some housekeeping.. getting ready to leave this place.. be tendering on thu~!! *finally*... supposed to meet tracy and jamie for dinner tonite but cancelled cuz tracy kena fever.. so went tampines mall and cs for shopping.. bot myself 2 pairs of retro earrings at 2 bucks each and finally bot sis a bracelet as xmas present.. quite cheap actually but hope she wont mind cuz i am really br0ke these days.. sign too many bills till my legs turn cottony.. somemore gonna be out of a job soon.. had the most sucky dinner at hans.. first, i was alone, their procedure is take a seat first, read the menu on the table then order at the counter.. i was ALONE, so noone else to chop seats.. the restaurant was rather crowded.. so i ordered at the counter and pointed at the table i wanted to sit.. then, that bl**dy cashier took such a long *damn* time that my seat was taken up by a couple.. had to shift.. so i informed the cashier.. always love their hor fun but today's really sucky.. waited sooo damn long, then *wala* the dish arrived, i couldnt recognise it and immediately said "its not mine".. then again, ask the waitress, "is it hor fun??" she said "yes!" come on, i started eating hans in 1998 and this is the first time that i couldnt recognise its a plate of hor fun.. *kAoZzzz...* u can count the kuay teow --- total 5 pcs.. and they look really pale and sickly.. the side dishes are some miserable prawns, meat, fish and vege.. only a few drops of gravy and it is TASTELESS.. no amount of green chilli can hide the blandness.. i paid good $ for a plate of SH~T.. $5.50 NOT CHEAP OKIE!! this is the worst HANS i've ever eaten.. dear readers, pls DO NOT visit CENTURY SQ HANS - the newly open one.. Home, wanted to do aerobics but is damn LAZY.. so i watched a vcd and chatted with some frens.. did the isqueeze and read a chapter of sex and the city.. life after graduation is DAMN SHIOK!!!:P

Monday
Shitty day at work.. not worth mentioning.. so, was wrapping up the chocolates at home when cousin sms me, saying her Ring is lost :( *HeeHee.. she found it back later lar~!* A turn of events and I was in her *mum's* car going to compasspoint..! she needa buy some undies for her daddy as xmas gift *sweet tot*... dunno wat to buy for jojo's 23rd bday on 29th, so got a $20 metro voucher.. we hit mac *again* for drinks and fries..

at home, sis passed me a small gift for xmas!! its been so long since she last given me a present.. not even on my bday lei~! indeed happi :) but felt guilty at the same time cuz i din buy her anything yet (at all).. so was thinking thinking and thinking the whole morning on the bus what to get her.. she has different tastes and its hard to buy her anything, yet i wanna get her something practical and memorable.. not wanting to get her a voucher cuz usually ppl just forgot what they bot!! and its like extra money.. esp my sis, i wanna get her something she'll rem its 2004 xmas gift!! somehow, our r/s improved recently, eversince she has this bf.. perhaps ppl in love are the most happi :) but i am also a considerate sis and *hello* i can say i treat her bf well okie! somemore i kinda helped them to reveal the truth to ma/pa, else she just dunno how to say! or maybe we kinda spend more time tog now, going shopping more often eversince i was "free".. lets hope this good r/s will continue..

This Weekend

Sunday
So what did I do today lei..???! Well well, I woke up at 10+.. showered, eat, tv, blah blah blah.. went out with sis and her bf to Suntec.. went to trim my eyebrow and as usual, shopped in my fav topshop and esprit --- the 2 places I MUST visit when i come to Suntec.. so crowded today and carrefour was like a big MESS with the shoppers.. bot 2 discounted tops at Maui & Sons for 29 bucks.. guess its a new store just opp Gelare.. think this brand has been ard for quite some time but recently sprang up again with trendier styles and more ladies apparel.. am i right..??! Then, sis wanted to visit Bugis St so I pei her lor.. but then, she is such a "high class" lady that the stuff there dun really suit her.. and she finds it terribly difficult to shop along the dark, crowded, hot and stuffy alleys.. din buy anything at all and we were like, went into the alleys and visited viturally all the stalls in a jiffy 10 mins!! and so, we went back into Parco again.. shopped ard in Seiyu for a while then said goodbye to sis to meet up my fren, ivan, who has just knocked off from simlim and came to meet me for a booze.. last seen him was in aug this yr, i think.. wah, he grown fatter again with that round tummy *oppsss..* so we went to Breko for a drink and some snacks.. i had a hooch and half a heineken.. hmm.. known ivan for abt 11yrs liao, we were in the same class from sec2-4 and was hanging out for awhile after sec sch.. he had openly proclaimed that he was in love with me for a whole 6 yrs!! *wahahaa...* this silly fellow, obviously know that i wasnt interested in him, and had hit , slap and punch him before, yet he's still so madly, deeply in love with a fatso.. wahahaa.. i was a fatso that time lor, short hair and with a big ugly mole above the lips at the left side lor.. there were so many stories abt us that i couldnt finish typing.. wahaha.. but then, its nice to reknow this fren again and he has matured alot.. anyway, dun be mistaken har.. there wasnt any rekindling of love or old flame rising lor, just old time frens meeting up.. somemore, he's planning his marriage in 1-2 yrs time with his gf lor.. hahahaaa!! anyway, we were nvr together in the past wat.. only hanging out with a few good frens lor.. quite a gentleman who sent me to the doorstep even when i told him "no need".. oh ya, he paid for the drinks and snacks lor.. tats the interesting part.. time to sleep liao else tomolo look like panda again..

Saturday
Woah...~! today woke up at 1pm.. I have actually slept half a day away! those pple working on a Sat would have knock off liao.. continue with my xmas cards again and toal production including yest's work is 5 pcs!!! there was some rain in the late afternoon.. heaven probably dotes on me so it stopped raining when I was ready to leave the house.. so so, met up Chris and we had helluva fun shopping along Bugis St.. well well, the prices are really low for bottoms but the tops are rather pricey with that kind of material and workmanship.. the stuff on sale are quite similar in most stalls and the prices are rather standard too.. competition is intense among the stallholders and it is obvious that everyone is fighting for customers.. it was rather hot and stuffy to walk along the alley, which is quite narrow and crowded.. but I had fun cuz its been a long time since I shopped along these kinda streets.. perhaps I've been too used to shopping malls, aircon and spacious fitting rooms.. coming to such places seems like a new thingy to me.. *hahaz* So what did I buy today? I clocked a blue polka dot bag, 3 pairs of undies, a sleeveless top and a pair of earrings as xmas gift to ollie.. total damage = 38 bucks

Fernie came to meet me at Bugis so we had duck kuai teow for dinner together.. a rather late dinner, ard 9.30 bah.. we shopped for a while at Parco then we passed by Mac.. started discussing abt the new chicken foldover and it turned out that both of us are keen to try it out.. rather impulsive act, *haha*, we found a place in the crowded restaurant and ordered an upsized set of chicken foldover meal..! so we had 2 meals in less than 2 hrs.. SINFUL..!! When did we become such big eaters..??? maybe the "aunties" are calling.. their "planes" might be landing anytime soon..!! we hit the road again, and is balek kampung time.. good times always end fast.. we have so much to talk again, but time disallows that..

So, I'm home now.. absolutely satisfied with my buys today! *perhaps not that top cuz its really ex at $12, such a simple piece of cloth + no brand + quite lousy material.. but I really like the Jap words in front and I MUST GET A TOP TODAY!!!!! for no reason* supposed to be bedtime now but really dun wish the day to end so soon.. cuz tomolo wake up and it'll be the last day's break before returning to work on Mon.. KaoZzzz.. thinking of office SUX..! But then, so bobian.. no work = no $ = no shopping.. HaiZzzz... ok la, tok tomolo... :) NiteZzz

Reminiscene

Friday
Back at blogging.. it rather early now, 1.15am.. i'm still wide awake.. well well, tomolo is a rest day anyway.. so I was at the office today, slogging till 6pm.. returned home to wrap some xmas gifts and then went out for dinner with mum & sis.. we had sakae sushi.. hmm.. next week be meeting Joanne for another round of sakae at the same place.. by the way, sakae really changed my perspective of sushi can jian-fei.. no way man.. just look at the ingredients used and calories chart, they're gonna pile up your weight from the waist down.. *ladies beware*.. Then back home, i continue wrapping the gifts and also started designing my handmade xmas cards.. hmm.. did 2 today and rather satisfied with the outcome.. haha! So now I just turned on my pc and began blogging.. gonna watch a vcd, hopefully wont fall asleep.. oh ya, rented 3 discs.. gonna start with 2 weeks' notice, and i also got league of the extraordinary gentlemen and fat greek wedding.. YAY!! enjoying my show liao, but where are the popcorns..??!

Thursday
Oh well, so today's another freakin BZ day, I mean really BZ tat i din even have lunch, kept working till 530 and too tired to carry on.. anyway, today's swimming day, and this is a v good excuse for not staying back in the office.. so we swam 20 laps today, in something like 30mins.. really hurried as we had to make it on time for cristofori's mini xmas party which will start promptly at 830.. so, i was back to the place i used to call my 2nd home.. hmm.. ya, lots of wonderful memories there.. now, the teachers and staff have changed abit but the atmosphere is still so friendly and so unlike other offices.. everyone is still so nice to one another.. i felt so welcomed, and most surprisingly, everyone knew i'm going to be there, even those pple that i dun know.. AND, i received a gift specially bot for me! *so touched* I got to eat, drink, play and take, all without paying.. so this is cristofori, haiz.. where i used to call home #2..

Mira mentioned b4 that my blog is very long.. maybe very wordy.. *wahaha..* so i am LOSOH queen lor, besides my other nick, splurge queen.. maybe i feel lonely sometimes, nobody is talking to me or i simply dun wish to talk to anyone, so i blog.. its like having someone to talk to, i.e. my bloggie!! pple might get bored reading my entries cuz they are long and really LOSOH *watever!* but i enjoyed reading my entries over and over again.. its like recapturing stuff tat i did, reminiscing scenes tat i saw, and reiterating words i've said.. kinda like reflections, reflecting what u did, whether right or wrong and looking at what improvements u can bring to ur life.. maybe abit controversial or contradicting *watever!* but i just enjoying blogging, filling up my bloggie with words, nonsense, crap, etc..

i am really a LOSOH queen, cuz i got so many stories to tell.. hmm.. was sitting alone in the bustop just now and thinking about MEN..! *haiya! siao charboh!* no la, not those kind of drooling over handsome guys or gien-tapor those kind la.. just reminiscing the 3 April guys tat made my heart leapt in the past.. *kekekez*.. who are they..? well, CT in XMS, Shawn in IBMEC and JK in CMS.. they are all born in April *Aries men!!* got stories to tell abt them lei.. long long stories that stretch over 10 yrs.. feeling sleepy liao..??! *yawn yawn* ok ok, then i will update next time lor.. going to be a long long long ~ ~ ~ long and sibay LOSOH entry.. *wahahahaa...!*

A Nice Read:
Copied this from someone's blog:

"The vicissitudes of life. How unfathomable...Leaving the world, taking the most unheralded route. The overwhelming torment when someone dear has to leave is the worst affliction one can ever experience. You never know when life will be taken from us. Any time there is a tragedy or a sudden unexpected death, I am once again reminded that life is so short and fragile. It also serves as a reminder to focus on the present, to let the hurt and disappointments of the past slip away, and let go of the concerns and fears of the future. To treasure your loved ones, and be a little more attentive every day to the sweetness of life."

truely inspirational statements.. it reflects my tots exactly..

Wednesday
reported for work today after >1 week's break.. backlog on my desk is one mountain high and my cpu caught fire when the emails kept coming in.. nevertheless, i am taking things easy.. since i have a direction now!! since i am FREE now..! life's never been much better.. guess i will start packing up my stuff and count down to the last day of work.. tonite's activity, well.. wrap the long-bought xmas gifts and design my xmas cards!! ^_^ will be uploading new pix during spare time..

so end up, i din wrap the xmas presents and neither did i design the xmas cards.. i was dilly dallying, cleaning my wardrobe, dusting away those uninvited "black black" things lying on my shelves.. i spent a great deal of time on this.. there's no nice pix to upload either.. somehow, its past midnight already.. i was just lying on my bed and listening to Richard Clayderman's pieces.. then came track 14: Coup De Coeur (Love at first sight), reminds me of JK.. 2 yrs ago, we were together at indoor stadium listening to Clayderman making beautiful tunes on the grand piano sponsored by cristofori.. in a company meeting, when he had to make a presentation using clayderman's music, i told him to use this track, he liked it instantly.. somehow or rather, i've been thinking of him recently.. wondering what he's doing now, and how he's getting on.. just friendly tots.. we somehow lost contact a few months back, when i tried to call him, wanting to confide in him, he was gone, and totally gone from my life.. last yr he told me he'll buy me a bear bear when i graduate, but now i have somehow "graduated", but he's nowhere in sight.. :(

toking about JK, we had a history of 2yrs.. i rem clearly of him, of his smile, his charming eyes, the first time we held hands.. the first time he held my shoulders.. i wish we could go back to the age of innocence.. our r/s was so pure and so friendly.. we were nothing more than close friends, we did nothing more than ordinary friends.. our story is like a tale, tat almost doesnt exist in real life, but somehow it did.. it was a story without an ending.. i start to miss him, cuz we were without pressure then.. we went for movies, dinners, and chats.. he did things that touched me but also hurt me.. yet, the hurt was not as intense, at least he was a gentleman to me.. I'll never forget the times we spent together, so pure and so sweet.. if given the chance, i would like to see him again.. just as a fren or a sibling, i would like to hold his hands again.. in any case, he'll always have a special place in my heart.. and also another close fren, alan, he's also another person who'll have a place in my heart.. i am not huaxin.. hehez.. just that these 2 guys left some bittersweet stories behind.. at least in the 2 yrs we spent together.. i'll never forget them.. :) if got time, i will tell u the stories we left behind ^_^

Tuesday
First day of a graduate's life.. wah, so hao lian sia.. *kekez* one extra day of lazing and trying to act like a tai-tai.. went shopping with lian-jie at plaza sing.. she is more like a splurge queen than me today.. *wah! finally, someone has beaten me to the title!!!* well well, she came out from xodus with 2 bags, watdoya think? then we went to this hair accessories counter and she bought those super expensive crystal hairclips for 100+.. *kao! damn ex hor!!* i also kena coaxed to buy a few la.. but less ex lor.. so so, she gotta travel to cck to meet her mother-in-law, then then, i go home on my own lor.. met up my lao-ma at compass point for dinner, after that i tidied up my book shelf at home.. kao, so much sh*t on the shelves, i think i din clean it for 1 yr..???!??! time passes so quickly when u r so happy.. tomolo i gotta go back to that damned office liao.. haiz...

hmm.. so my ex-colleague ken spoke to me just now.. he has disappeared for so long since he resigned.. first time in 5 months i heard his voice.. so like me, he is also having emotional problems and we kinda confide in each other for 30mins.. gg to meet up probably this weekend for drinking.. hehehz.. well, toking abt this guy, we were working in the same office for 1yr+ till he resigned cuz he cant tahan the new boss and new procedures anymore.. quite a rash decision cuz he ended up so poor now.. haiz.. we gave him a nick in the past, which is saporo.. *wahahhaa!* why saporo?? cuz he is real thin, very skinny type, and in hokkien skinny is san-po, "lou" is "guy" in cantonese.. as in "feilou" for fatty guy.. hehehz.. put them together sounds like saporo, like a jap name right?? hehehez... one of my blur colleagues, ollie, doesnt know the meaning of saporo and ended up calling him "sum-ba-lou" (38 guy).. these 2 huo-baos were loggerheads then, and i was always the fireman between them.. recalling the past brings back so much memories.. good ones and bad ones.. good ones are meant to be kept yet the bad ones should be discarded...

haiz.. dunno what i am typing today, so many grammatical errors and nonsensical sentences.. maybe its time to Zzzz liao...

Post-Exams Euphoria

Everything came to an end.. 2 years of a seemingly dunno-heaven-and-earth kinda life has finally concluded.. I have reached the finishing point, only have yet to receive my trophy.. but i have officially declared a finish.. draw the curtains please.. totally filled with paradoxical thoughts.. I am supposed to squeal with joy or open champagne, yet I am at peace.. this degree has costed me alot of things, I sacrificed too much for a piece of paper which does not even assure me of a good future, yet filled with uncertainty of life even after obtaining it.. I have no choice but to move on.. there are so many things I have yet to experience and so many plans to be fulfilled.. what should I do with my life now?? I don't have classes to attend anymore, no more tutorials to prepare, no more discussions to do and no more assignments to rush.. what's in store for me after that?? No idea..

So today, i cleared a 3-hour paper in 1.25hrs.. I just can't wait to leave the exam hall, I just can't wait to start living the life of a normal uptown gal.. I immersed into the crowd and quickly get a breathe being a fresh grad.. I self declared an early graduation.. I am FREE now!! I walked around TPY HDB Hub for a while.. I won't be visiting this place as regularly like before.. I will be off to new places and many more places.. life will be full of challenges after I leave toa payoh.. the next venue is orchard.. window shopping with fernie and belle.. then we went to meet up huizhen for dinner and k-ge session..! extended the time again, and we only conclude the session a few minutes before 11pm.. strolled along the quieter path of orchard road together with fernie, discussing about her friends, life and other things.. we have so much to talk yet so little time.. it has been like that since young, we have endless topics to talk about.. we have missed each other's lives for a number of years, so that explains why we have so much to catch up :)

Here am I, blogging again.. I can't wait for tomolo to come, I can't wait to complete my next milestone, I can't wait to start life afresh and do things that I like.. I just can't wait for things to happen..! I am indulging in the post-exams euphoria, how about you..???!

1am Thoughts

I blog everyday.. I wanna capture every moments of my life, remembering the things I did, people I've met, places I've been, and reflect on the mistakes I made.. I wanna live life without regrets.. Looking back, I've made lotsa mistakes so far.. wasted alot of time and missed the chance of enjoying life more than I should.. these are the opportunity cost of my pursuit of a higher education, a chance to live a so-called better life, better career prospects, etc.. I have only myself to blame for wasting time..

I regret for not spending more time with ah-mah and ah girl.. I regret for being a defiant daughter sometimes, I regret for not being a part of my cousin's life in her teenaged years.. now my memories of her just stopped when she was 11-12 years old.. it kinda surprised me when we reunited recently.. my xiao-mei has suddenly grown up! now she is 19, but i still remember her clearly as an eleven-year-old gal.. I regret for the wrong choice I made for my educational path.. I regret for not being daring enough, to try out new things, experiment new fashion, and meet more new people.. I regret for not being expressive enough, lacking the courage to tell the guy i like about my feelings.. like CT in sec sch, Shawn in Dip, JK in CMS.. I regret for putting less efforts into my first relationship, causing it to malfunction... I simply have too many regrets..

I wanna treasure my life more.. I wanna be nicer and more caring towards the people around me.. I wanna experience and enjoy more of life.. I wanna go out and meet people more often.. I wanna break free from the shell and be a colorful and happy person.. I won't be dull no more.. *I seem to like soul music increasingly.. Me and Mrs Jones, I kept it playing repeatedly.. How nice if I can dance along, eyes closed, with this song, in the arms of somebody who loves me.. it just makes me feel so sexy!*

I am finding peace and seeking solace with myself.. my emotional setback is one big hurdle in my entire life.. to overcome it is definitely not easy.. yet, I believe that if I can recover from this emotional wreckage, I will become a stronger person.. I remind myself that I will not rake it up, will not initiate any contact with this person anymore, and will not repeat the same mistake I made.. *the mistake I've made is, I loved him too much..* I just wished that time will subside my feelings quickly, make me forget the feelings I've once felt, dilute him from my mind and cleans out the bad memories.. I wish for more emotional freedom.. I wish to be bolder and more magnanimous.. I wish for more strength.. I wish for a better me..

Reminiscene

Sunday
Lazy lazy me.. still one paper to go but I'm already in dreamland.. not been able to concentrate and its now already 10pm..! Just read 2 chapters so far.. dun think have time to sleep tonite.. after 4pm tomolo i'll be free like a bird..! Wish me luck!!

To be able to recover from an emotional wreckage reveals a truer and stronger you.. Only yourself can defeat sadness and terror in your heart, only you can give yourself happiness... I've gained much insights from my friends, those who have more experiences than me, and I've realised alot of truths about human nature and got a better understanding of life in these 4 months.. Mira inspired me alot and she quoted this great one: "To be alone but not lonely is self actualization".. I keep this in my mind always.. Let's welcome the new Aunt Agony (Mira) in town!!

..:: Sam's Wordz::..

Saturday
One paper down, count down to Monday for the second and the last one! YAY!!

Quickly, in 5 minutes…
The sky is gloomy today. It rained awhile ago and our laundry is still airing out right now. I just spent 2 hours clearing out my wardrobe. So many clothes I’ve bought for the past 4 months. So much money I’ve spent. Clearing out those clothes that I’ve not worn for so long, clearing out those clothes with memories in them, especially that pair of Giordano blue jeans. There are stories hidden beneath that simple pair of jeans. Well, there seems to be a lot of stories in my wardrobe, practically everyone of them has stories, stories that I’ve remembered and memories that I treasure. That pair of jeans has accompanied me throughout the most treacherous period of my life. Had been with me when I went to meet the guys I like/love. I’ve once grown out of it and kept it in the wardrobe for ages. Till one day I could fit into it again. I worn it everywhere I go. I fell in love with it. It seems to fit me better than other jeans I have. I worn it to my favourite place, the place where it left the most memories for me. I have again outgrown it. But, this time, I shrank instead of the jeans. I could not fit into it again. Thus, it is finally leaving me, after all those years, after all the company it gave me. I’m giving it away. I will have no idea of how its future’s going to be like. I will never know. But one thing for sure, memories of it will always be carried with me.

Friday
Dun think I dreamt last nite.. have been falling into my own reverie for the past few days.. enjoying the tranquility I've been yearning for so long.. its just cool to have nothing to do.. well, i really have nothing to do for the past week other than studying.. i'm counting down to the exam at 9am, looking forward to graduation, looking forward to the new life i could have.. so many things have changed.. it wasnt planned to be like that.. yet it turned out to be like this.. I'm feeling better day by day.. my thoughts are much clearer and i'm continuously cleansing the bad feelings away.. i'm curbing myself the urge to do something.. and i kept telling myself that if i manage to curb tat, i could live a new life, put the past behind me and embark on a new beginning.. there are so many things i've planned after the exams.. i would have alot of spare time to engage in things i like.. haha! writing a story comes to my mind.. i could compose something, i could author something, something i wanted to do as a child... to write a book! well, not to the extent of publishing it, but to read for my own pleasure.. that's at least half a dream fulfilled! yea, lots of other plans, such as a new job, do more reading, tone up the body, learn cooking, driving, travelling, watch more movies, go for vocal training classes, etc etc... immediate plan is to tidy up my bedroom, put away all those books and decorate it a bit!! YAY!! so much to look forward to!! life will be wonderful from now on.. :)

Thursday
Well, I did not dream last nite.. 2 consecutive nites of dreaming and it stopped for the 3rd... I wonder what is the ending of my love dream.. yes, i definitely wanted it to be a good ending.. the main characters could break all barriers and be together... just like any happily-ever-after fairy tales... just like the vcds i've watched for the past 2 nites, dirty dancing 2 and ella enchanted... if u've watched dirty dancing 2, u would surely notice the main actor.. kaoz, dunno what's his name.. he's rather handsome, young, slim and has a touch of american in his latinized looks.. he dances sexily too.. i wish such a guy exists in real life... nice and handsome.. anyone??! where??! *if u know where to find, call my hp asap wor!! :P*

Ok, so today is a splurgy day.. think i've forgotten that i am an unpaid employee for a week... had a morning swim in bishan, cleared 20 laps.. so had lunch at mac and studied for awhile.. the most part of the day i guess was spent on shopping.. well well, visited so many stores tat i almost cant rem.. 3 tops, 2 bags and a book summarised the whole adventure... drank tea at yoshinoya, then took 55 to hougang swimming complex to meet up terence for another round of swim.. cleared another 22 laps this time.. first time i've swam so much i think in the past 10 years.. wahahaa... break record liao!! so jie jue dinner at kfc.. *kao, worked out all those fats yet was nourished back..!!!* accompanied lian-jie to buy her electric pot.. this aspiring-mama is in preparation for her first baby.. hehez.. the tonics must come first.. wahahaha!! walking into iora store spelt T-R-O-U-B-L-E the 2 babes kept on trying lotsa clothes and splurge! splurge! splurge! we actually splurge into a privilege card for iora..! i bot 2 tops (like xmas tree) and a denim skirt while ah-lian bot a dress and a blue skirt.. total damage: $210!! thats how many days' salary..! I think i'm in deep shit.. i'm pronounced a shopaholic!! HELP! SOS!! Snooze time.. Zzzzz....

I Dream Again..

So many dreamless nites, and suddenly I dreamt on 2 consecutive nites... This time, I dreamt of love.. We were in love, I dunno with who... perhaps a handsome guy, someone I can't make out the face... but its definitely a slim guy... we were at his place.. his hse seems like a condo, where there's a swimming pool.. i was in a swimsuit.. but, there's one serious problem.. his parents are against our being together.. seems like they wanted him to marry someone else, a rich gal, maybe.. *like meteror garden eh??* but we plan to run away.. so, i left his hse, and planned to wait for him somewhere.. i just walked walked and walked, and taka is just a few blocks away from his hse *sounds weird this time*.. I couldnt find him, so i waited for him at a mama shop and called him... the dream just ended here... I woke up suddenly.. there was no ending to this dream.. i wonder if this dream will continue tonite.. i wished to find out the ending...

I Dream...

Last nite, i dreamt of resurrection.. its been a long time since I had a dream, a real dream that i actually remembered some of the scenes... i usually sleep without dreams.. i dunno what does it mean.. is it an indication of something? or a reverse of something? i dunno, i really dunno..

i dreamt of a man, a man in the era of Jesus. He was in rags... lying in a coffin, the executers broke his head first blood flowed.. he cried out loud and then the executers struck again, the second time, cut his chest into 2.. he screamed, stretching out both hands... sounds gross..???! i din actually see the resurrection... then the dream moved on to another scene, this time, a girl dressed in white appeared.. she is in the beatles era (strange eh? time like rocketed into a diff era), dressed like a hippie, with a wreath of flowers round her head... she cried when she heard of the man's execution, then rejoiced when he resurrected..

what happened?? such a strange dream... the scenes still remain in my head.. i wonder why... maybe its time i shd go back to church...

Weekend

First time in my life, i partied till daybreak.. peering out the car window to get a glimpse of the morning light... i seldom see this kinda scene.. the air was fresh as we drove on the highway on an early Sunday morning, not much cars in sight... I finally broke down on fernie's shoulders.. the liquor did not drown my sorrows, the dancing did not bounced him off my mind.. after 4 months, he's still there, I wonder why...

As far as i can rem for saturday was alot of travelling, i remembered, i travelled on bus, lrt, mrt, cab, car.. practically all the public transport in singapore... after 3 hours of travelling, i finally stepped foot on ntu ground, a place that seemed foreign to north-easterners like me.. i like the peacefulness, and the serenity of the place.. it is so quiet and so close to nature.. i think i would love living there...

5 hours of partying at dbl-O.. i was there 2 years ago.. the last time i clubbed.. i would love to visit a jazz bar next time.. alot of dancing and my legs ached after that... i love my GPC members..! I enjoyed being with all of u! and let's relife our sex and the city characters again!!

So i did not sleep when i reached home as i washed up and went to meet up lian-jie and bro at hillside dr.. so much travelling for the weekend, i went home, showered again, tried to get some sleep but could not sleep at all.. ah-pok was making too much noise and triggered my sadness.. i was too frustrated and i broke into tears again when everyone had left the house.. i just burst out crying loud and really loud, unlike my usual quiet sobs under the covers, this time, it was real hard crying.. i mumbled lots of rubbish and nonsensical thoughts flooded my mind.. i missed ah-mah and was asking her to take me away, far far away from all these rubbish.. i opened the door and saw her picture facing right at my room.. i miss you, ah-mah!!

so i showered again for the umpteen times.. went out to meet the 2 old fellows again *ops!* we had dinner at crystal jade.. followed by window shopping and a stroll from plaza sing to taka, viewing the christmas lights, was a little disappointed that the lights are not that interesting afterall.. i remembered almost a year ago, i was strolling the same path with mic, it was drizzling and we strolled under the shelter of my 6-year pinkie brolly.. alot of memories.. christmas time always leaves the most memories for me.. last but not least, we had coffee and cheesecake at coffee bean...

at least i can see some daylight in my life with these 2 fellows around.. if without them, i think my skies are still dark.. they accompanied me when i am sad, they hugged me when i cried, they listened to my problems and they share my woes.. this is what i called true friends.. true friends are with you when you are down.. they share your joy and they share your sadness.. i love you both! lian-jie and terence!

so on monday, was supposed to be a mugging day.. well well, i did mugged a little la.. but feeling abit lazy at the same time, so i went out for lunch with lian-jie.. she's not working, so we went for a short window shopping at compass point, then back to my home for a short mugging session, while she explored my mum's isqueeze and icare, and read my magazines.. at 530, we went to her hse.. for an hour long aerobics session, followed by a badminton session.. *I am sportsgal today!* Bro ta-bao fried rice for us, we mix in some pork floss and enjoyed it with a glass of sparkling juice.. *yummy*... they sent me to the bus stop afterwards.. on my way home, i still tot of him.. nevertheless, i told myself, its time to let go.. next year will be better..

Here i am blogging, listening to some xmas jazz music.. how i wished i could live in music all day.. i wished for a happy christmas every year, but it did not come true till now.. i can just keep on wishing that the next christmas will be a better one.. i love christmas lights, i love christmas music, i love the christmas mood, i love everything about christmas... but christmas this year seemed to be colder...


Dinner at Crystal Jade


They were selling these figurines outside UOB Bank


Peering at the christmas deco of citychain window display


Me, with a pair of shades shielding my swollen eyes


The 2 old fellows *ops.. wahahhaa...!*


Pic of the 2 babes taken by an unskillful photographer

Irony or Just Plain Coincidence?

Me too, I have nvr watched sex and the city but hearsay of the plot and such.. so, last nite i casually chose samantha cuz it just sounds coolz to have someone call u "Sam", a seemingly guy's name used on a gal... so i went to HBO website and read abt Samantha Jones, the character and well, she's the PR exe who's kena cheated by her man and thrust into the land of the broken-hearted.. sounds like my situation sia.. ironic eh?~?~!

I am an easily satisfied person.. I will feel happy whenever someone thinks of me.. so when my colleague, Shirley, specially bot me a cake for teabreak, I felt so touched.. the jerk might not be thinking of me but i have many others thinking of me.. thats why they're here to read my blog.. wahahaa... sounding a bit AhQ like xCB eh??! I may be happy this moment, but i might be crying at the next.. i will not suppress my feelings anymore cuz this is torturing.. slowly bit by bit i will forget him, forget abt the past and move on as a new person.. right now, I am associated to GPC! (GPC ROX!!!) I have my own club members and there are certainly a lot of things to look forward to... like my week-long break from this bl**dy company!! the forthcoming exam, which I really look forward to is the freedom after graduation!!! I will survive! I will survive!!! YAY!! I love you gals! GPC ROX THE HOUSE TONITE!!



Samantha Jones - The character I had chosen from Sex n the city
Read about HBO Sex n The City
I think Carrie is the prettiest..

Reminiscene

Friday
Going swimming tonite and glad that fernie and elena are joining us.. pls dun rain!!! Getting more groggy at work and imagining that everyday is the last day of work... i start to hate this job more and more.. am thinking of quitting after coming back from leave.. hm.. just thinking that all the forthcoming PHs will be lugi... ya, exams still 10 days to go, like ivy said.. bear with it.. sh*t, my new contact lenses are making my eyes uncomfy.. nothing seems to turn out right lei.. sick sia.. So recalling what i did yest.. well, nothing much lor, went jogging lor.. then came home and felt an impulse to cry.. so again, i wet my eyes.. just telling myself that i shd not bottom everything inside.. this will be just another phase.. a difficult phase in fact, at least i am making progress when i did not see him anywhere ard me.. just go thru this hard moment and everything will be great... so, met GPC members online.. downloaded a few songs, including my fav lady marmalade.. hehez! the days of my pc are numbered.. needa get a new one.. but where's the $?? Guess, there'll be lotsa things to look forward in life.. like resigning (YAY!), new job, new life, GPC meeting, sports etc...

..:: GPC BDE Wordz ::..
Highly recommended theme song for GPC: "Stronger" ~ By Britney Spears.. Agreed..??!
"I am stronger than yesterday, now there's nothing but my way, My loneliness ain't killing me no more, I.. I am stronger...."

Thursday
I am scared of christmas.. I either hope christmas would never come or be over as soon as possible.. xmas 2 yrs ago, i was crying, waiting for JK to call, but he never did.. xmas last yr, i was lonely, people smiling, children laughing, but my heart is crying.. i tot this yr would be a happy one.. we made plans to go travelling, we made plans to go everywhere together.. but i knew too much, in fact, so much that they're enough to kill me.. they'll be going somewhere for a white xmas.. leaving me behind on a cold cold xmas nite.. i am scared of christmas which i always loved in the past...

Wednesday
So I have been thinking of him for the past few days.. ya, can't deny that I still cried today... the job's making me bored and left my mind wandering wandering around... was just thinking if I am doing a job that I like, I would be able to forget unhappy things easily.. cuz, I would spend my time concentrating into what I'm doing rather than letting my thoughts run wild...

Well, last nite met up Fernie and her family for dinner at Compass Point Foodcourt.. Then accompanied mum to get her Osim eye massager.. wooo... its a good one and it just makes me feel sleepy whenever i use it for 15 mins... Then after that, went to the petrol kiosk with sis and got an iced coffee.. today is another day at work and pretty frustrated with stuff + sick and tired by just looking at the pending work and unresolved issues... after work went to simei to get Ady a red Starbucks mug and some chocolates to fill it up, then also went to Popular to get materials for my xmas cards... hmmm... too bad, heard from Chris that Ady went back to Bintan already so couldnt meet us for dinner tomolo.. well, I would then have to keep the mug since I had wanted to buy a similar one for someone else... Oh then, watched Singapore Idols from 7.45-11pm... Nice to receive sms from my co's ex-HR exe.. she is thinking of me *wink*... and so, I told her abt my problems with work, sch and him.. told her abt the breakup too, and its a 3rd party issue.. she mentioned that she hated 3rd parties!! So will arrange to meet up with her after my exams.. hmm.. thinking of her (Ivy) reminds me earlier this year, when I was invited to her house warming.. condo at Canberra.. hmm.. AL msg me then, while I was in her house.. he called me while I was on the journey home, and so, his voice accompanied me home... we met up the next day and I bought him sakae sushi cuz his bday fell on the following day.. haiz.. tat was before we started.. sweet memories.. Ivy might be my lucky star and the next time I meet her might have good news for me again.. perhaps not AL but other happier things to happen to me.. keeping my fingers crossed :)

Singapore Idols ~ Final ShowDown!

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