1am Thoughts

I blog everyday.. I wanna capture every moments of my life, remembering the things I did, people I've met, places I've been, and reflect on the mistakes I made.. I wanna live life without regrets.. Looking back, I've made lotsa mistakes so far.. wasted alot of time and missed the chance of enjoying life more than I should.. these are the opportunity cost of my pursuit of a higher education, a chance to live a so-called better life, better career prospects, etc.. I have only myself to blame for wasting time..

I regret for not spending more time with ah-mah and ah girl.. I regret for being a defiant daughter sometimes, I regret for not being a part of my cousin's life in her teenaged years.. now my memories of her just stopped when she was 11-12 years old.. it kinda surprised me when we reunited recently.. my xiao-mei has suddenly grown up! now she is 19, but i still remember her clearly as an eleven-year-old gal.. I regret for the wrong choice I made for my educational path.. I regret for not being daring enough, to try out new things, experiment new fashion, and meet more new people.. I regret for not being expressive enough, lacking the courage to tell the guy i like about my feelings.. like CT in sec sch, Shawn in Dip, JK in CMS.. I regret for putting less efforts into my first relationship, causing it to malfunction... I simply have too many regrets..

I wanna treasure my life more.. I wanna be nicer and more caring towards the people around me.. I wanna experience and enjoy more of life.. I wanna go out and meet people more often.. I wanna break free from the shell and be a colorful and happy person.. I won't be dull no more.. *I seem to like soul music increasingly.. Me and Mrs Jones, I kept it playing repeatedly.. How nice if I can dance along, eyes closed, with this song, in the arms of somebody who loves me.. it just makes me feel so sexy!*

I am finding peace and seeking solace with myself.. my emotional setback is one big hurdle in my entire life.. to overcome it is definitely not easy.. yet, I believe that if I can recover from this emotional wreckage, I will become a stronger person.. I remind myself that I will not rake it up, will not initiate any contact with this person anymore, and will not repeat the same mistake I made.. *the mistake I've made is, I loved him too much..* I just wished that time will subside my feelings quickly, make me forget the feelings I've once felt, dilute him from my mind and cleans out the bad memories.. I wish for more emotional freedom.. I wish to be bolder and more magnanimous.. I wish for more strength.. I wish for a better me..