I wish...

I wish I have a pair of wings, to fly me up high into the skies...
I wish I could swim freely in the seas...

I wish I have the bunch of keys, to open up the locks in my heart...
I wish I could live happily from now onwards...

..:: The GPC BDE's wordz ::..


ok, back to the topic of "Nothing hurts like love".. so i just passed chris elena's blog ad.. the youngest of our club members is down again.. triggered my impulse to pen something, specially dedicated for lena baby.. there is no advice i can give, there is no inspirational stories i can tell.. i've been thru it and still going thru a rough patch.. i have not totally overcome the devil tat caused me so much sadness, thus, i cant be a good advicer.. all i can say is, "we are wif u baby!"... only u, urself can overcome it...

trying not to repeat it, but we shd be open with one another... so last nite, i was there crying again.. and woke up with swollen eyes for dunno how many times in these 3 months... the decision to give up totally on a person u love so much is so much sadder than the breakup itself.. i spent months fighting with the question "Give up or not?" even after our breakup on tat teary night, i still carry a hope, a hope that he would come back to me.. he gave me hope and then crushed it... just when he was having problems with his "other gal" (ie. that slut) he came to me, asking me to meet, saying he made a mistake, regretted it very much, his mother likes me alot.. blah blah blah... when i was ready to meet him, he said he had to spend time with his slut.. how hurting can it be??! to be hurt by this man again and again.. just why am i so foolish? i dun understand.. this man had betrayed me, i knew tat i could not have 100% of his heart and yet i still carry a hope that we could be together again.. WHY??! Foolish me... and so, i deleted his contacts.. i dun want to see his online status anymore.. his presence disturbs me.. i want him to be out of my life!! in this way, i could live normally.. but this transition period will be the toughest.. i had to overcome the urge to want to see him again.. i have to depend on my willpower.. Lena, you can do it too... we will overcome it together..!

He claimed that he made a mistake, but he chose to live with that mistake and loved that mistake.. he is a JERK.. why would anyone wanna make me sad?? why did God let me be the victim?? WHY??

Nothing hurts like love

Broken hearts, broken dreams
They're just some things that love brings
When you learnt that it's all been a lie
You cry, you find that nothing, nothing

Nothing hurts like love
Nothing brings your heart so much pain
And you'll never learn till you get burned
Till you're burned by the flame
Nothing hurts so bad
Nothing hurts so much
No, nothing hurts like love

So you gave all you had
How'd the story turn so sad
Nothing left but the tears in your eyes
You die inside, 'cause nothing, nothing

So dry your tears it's just your turn to learn
Your time to find that nothing, nothing..

.... Daniel Bedingfield ~ Nothing hurts like love.... how very true... love brings you to 7th heaven, love fills your path with roses, love makes u forget who you are.... but love is like a sharp knife, it cuts your heart up into pieces... love can ruin your life, your total perspective in life.. ya, nothing really hurts like love...

Instant Thoughts...

I am not afraid of work stress, I am not afraid of study stress, I am also not afraid of financial stress... but I am terrified of emotional stress.. it gets me down everytime and I can't perform well in all other areas... I feel like a loser, I cry too easily.. I must learn to be stronger.. I must survive thru this.. I dun see his presence anywhere now.. not even on my handphone, not even on my computer, contact lists, etc.. must practice: see no evil, hear no evil; out of sight, out of mind.. somehow or rather, it still haunts me.. his presence still exists on my mind.. whenever i close my eyes, I see images of him.. he is everywhere around me, just like a ghost.. pls help me call the ghost busters.. SOS..

Regrets

Often, we would regret for some mistakes made in life.. talking about mistakes, i have loads of them.. and i think the biggest of them all is in knowing him.. it gave me the most misery and regrets of all the others i had made.. so, yesterday, i went to cristofori concert at victoria concert hall.. it was a boring one.. but i went just to show my support and to meet up my ex-colleagues.. some regrets here again.. somehow i've wasted a good sat evening away, on a boring concert, just sitting down there and sms for several hrs.. went w/o my dinner and rushed from place to place.. i regretted going to the concert, i regretted exchanging sms with him which made me fell into despondency again.. the jerk of the century, he shd burn in hell... the heartless b*stard tat shd perish on this earth... i regretted, i just regretted knowing him.. if i hadnt replied his msg then, if i hadnt chatted with him.. if i hadnt knew him then i would be happier.. enjoying my life with my friends and be free from all these misery.. i am hurt, deeply and badly hurt by this jerk.. i know its not my fault, i shouldnt get myself so upset with this fellow, but ghosts haunt me everyday, bad memories kept floating to my mind.. i hate it.. i hate my attitude.. i wish i could start everything all over again..

Ok, so i was there chatting with lena and chris after breakfast.. abt 3hrs in total.. too bad fernie was in only abt 15 mins and she had to rush off to get weixiang's books.. *miss u, mei! i wish u happiness..!* so, we formed a gals club then, with me as the lao-da, and elena the president... we plan to do so many things tog, like pubbing, sentosa, yoga, etc.. intoxicate me so i would have less and less time thinking of AL.. and finally reduce to zero.. its raining heavily right now.. i cant put my mind into studying, i din prepare anything for tomolo's tute.. exams are coming and yet i am nonchalant abt it.. abit of the bo-chap attitude.. wat happened to me? i wasnt like that in the past.. when it comes to studying i make sure i know my stuff well.. what the hell?? Men is the root of all evil.. *Gals, pls dun deny this fact* All men were born in hell and brought up to earth by the devils to harm the women of eden.. men are like serpents.. they induce women to commit sins, they lead women into the world of darkness and trample them.. WTF.. dun trust men.. trust yourself..

Well, there was this question tat popped up.. what do u want for xmas and new yr resolution? Like chris, i want to be happy, but in order to be happy there are lots of preparation work to be done.. first step is to forget AL, cut off all contacts with him, erase all memories of him.. my target is one day, i would feel nothing abt this man.. it is easier to say than done.. how to forget this person who once hurt me so deeply? who ruin my life and my perspective of a wonderful relationship? why did God ever let me meet this man, who brought me up to heaven then kicked me all the way to the 18th level of hell in just one night? WHY GOD? Why are u so unfair to me? I have been good all the time.. why did i deserve a man like AL? WHY??

Sour Heaven

Okie, so last nite i teared again.. just before I fell asleep, images of him and of our past drifted to my mind.. i couldnt hold back the tears.. it has been 107 days into the breakup and 113 days since he broke my heart.. it has been a rough journey, i almost couldnt recognise myself.. i've fallen into destitution, depression, desolation, despondency , despair ~ all the des- words i can think of.. almost ended my life *face down*.. i was just thinking, why shd i continue living if there are so many unhappy things bothering me?? its such a misery to continue exising, perishing might be a good way to end everything.. i cant forget him, i cant forget the past.. 3 mths has not diluted the feelings i felt for the relationship.. i knew it in my heart that this time the feeling is much stronger than the feelings i felt for JK.. JK is nothing.. I just kept on planning on our future, abt marriage and abt getting old and stuff.. i always tot he was with me, or, he will be with me.. but he wasnt.. our happiness was short.. we only had 5 mths.. the honeymoon period ended in just 1 mth.. we were both too busy and tat was the time his new office started operations.. we dun have time for each other..

last nite, while i was helping sis with her resume, she mentioned "die for love? such a crazy and stupid thing to do... blah blah blah..." she was refering to other people.. but it set me thinking.. i almost ended my life the same way.. i am considered silly.. this morning, i read elena's blog and discovered tat she is unhappy.. she looked so smiley to me.. so its called behind every smiling face hides a weeping heart..

our breakup was not ordinary.. it was a story without a proper ending.. or shd i say, the ending wasnt proper at all.. noone knew 100% of the true story besides me.. i think the only person who has came close to 95% is lian-jie.. i could say that if w/o her, i might be in heaven now.. the hurt he implanted on me could take yrs to heal.. i never really understand him till we broke up.. our relationship has always been happy.. i would consider it to be a wonderful relationship, no argument, we gave in to each other and i cared for him.. i was an understanding gf.. how much can a bf expect from a gf like me.. whenever he said he had to work, i would not bother him.. i would not pester him to go shopping with me.. i knew he's tired and i never demand.. i knew he doesnt earn much and i never ask him to buy anything for me.. i was just there saving hard, saving for our future.. his future is unpredictable.. his business could be either a success or a failure.. though i dun wish it to be a failure but i had to make provisions for the future.. but these are all in the past.. bury the hatchet..

it set me thinking all the time.. WHY? why did he choose to hurt me among his gfs? i knew the stories all the way to his first.. i was hurt the deepest, but he claimed that i was the nicest.. so, why did he choose to hurt the nicest?? i dun get it.. he said i was too good to him.. was being too good a sin? i couldnt recover at all after 107 days.. it has been full of ups and downs.. one day i woke up, i decided to change everything.. i just dun wanna care abt everything, dun care abt other pple's feelings, dun care abt how pple look at me.. i became more materialistic, i just shopped and shopped.. drowning myself with merchandises and newbies... but it all went back to square one.. it wasnt me.. why was i trying to forge an identity which i dun belong? i am those who would let the elderly take my seat on a crowded bus, i am those who would go the extra mile for frens.. why am i acting selfish, making others detest me, and i detest myself...??? i knew i can never go back to the old wendy again.. (shd i change my name??)

To all the younger gals: it is not hurting when ur bf acts nonchalant or does not listen to you.. having arguments is not sadness, it is a channel to make u and ur partner understand each other better.. or at least, he's being honest to u.. the truest hurt is when ur bf is smiling at u and treats u fantastically on the surface, but behind ur back, he did things that really hurt u.. i mean, really hurting -- straying, lies, hides away his feelings, dislike u for stuff but he would not correct u, etc.. and he tried to vent his frustrations on u or hurt u further when someone else hurt him.. this is called a true blue jerk.. and too bad, i have fallen in love with the jerk of the century.. he is AL.. cuddly, baby-faced, sweet on the outside but sour in the inside.. half of his heart is made of charcoal which i only knew after we broke up.. half of it is a good heart which derives from his birth and at that time when i knew him.. the charcoal part was when he met her, and they hurt me together.. I could not bear to curse him cuz the tot itself made me cry.. God knows what to do with them..

Reminiscene

Tuesday
Using the remains of my lunch time to blog.. feeling old and lazy (again).. din study much yest and was hoping to finish up the course and the job.. looking forward to some lazy time, without work and study coming into play.. i can imagine myself suntaning and reading by the pool.. such a good life, when will it come? my computer is in danger of collapsing any moment.. just like contracting cancer at the last stage.. anytime will be gone, get ready the coffin and such.. haiz, no budget to buy new computer.. tot of getting a laptop.. dunno where can i get an interest-free instalment kinda thing.. maybe pay over 48 mths.. hmm... considering.. going metro shopping with sis lata..

Wednesday
Okie, so yesterday went metro with sis.. prior to our shopping spree, we had dinner at Sakura.. we ordered hor fun, fried bee hoon and a thai ice-coffee.. yum yum.. i always think the dishes there are nice.. well, we practically spent the rest of the evening at metro.. and so, i tried on 3 different swimsuits.. there's the yellow halterneck one which i liked instantly, however, it does not fit well and does not look nice on me.. then, i also tried on a white one with a blue bottom.. the cutting is good and suits really ONZ kinda swimming, but WHITE top lei.. transparent sia.. like wearing nothing when dipped into water.. so in the end, i chose a blue flora one with a cute bottom, the fitting is good and quite nice looking.. well, i also bot a white pierre cardin bra, stockings, a pair of shorts and a maybelline gel foundation which i got a free pinkie bag.. the bag comes with a 3-pc sample set, nice but reeks of the plastic smellzz.. so the sample set went to sis.. today is just another usual day in the office and i am counting down to the day i resign.. *wahahaa...* well, spoken to lian-jie last nite and will not go KL liao.. change of plans.. long story.. and it means my lasik will be postponed indefinitely.. haiz.. abit disappointed lor, but maybe its God's will.. try to think on the positive side lor.. maybe the operation will end up in a failure so God disallow me to go.. trying to act more ah-Q like chris.. *wink*.. lazy today and i took a day off from classes.. will study abit later.. then i was planning my leave in dec and will take one whole week's leave to study for exams.. good lor, that means i can leave everything at the last minute.. advisable..?? any sane person would tell me NO!!! BUT, I feel like an old fritter liao, fried till dry dry, no energy le leh... haiz, but still have to get thru these.. xmas would have to spend in singapore liao lor.. since lian-jie and bro wee gg back to KL but they promise to spend new yr eve with me.. dunno what to do at xmas.. planning something with chris but still undecided... maybe will just end up lonely like every year lor.. anyway its rather usual la... okie, then bro wee called me just now and we are gg swimming on friday!! YAY!! in my new swimsuit of course.. *wahahhahaaa* *wink wink* ok lor, enough blogging liao, time to study!!

my new swimsuit!

Thursday
Everyone seems to be surprised to see me still in the office at this hr.. though its not the first time i've stayed in the office till dark but seldom seen the office so quiet and so dark.. both bosses are gone now, leaving me behind, and alone in this second level office.. today is really BZ day ah~!~! what did i do? one whole list of items, can be as long as the emperor's scroll... somehow, my stomach is not feeling well today and yet i still munch on junk food, like biscuits someone brought back from m'sia, nutmeg candies, etc.. feel like lao sai.. haiz.. feeling abit sore over the KL thing :( oh yea, saw an ad abt events management job at hougang, will give it a try.. anyway the closing date is on 23rd dec, still got time to prepare resume even after exams!! feeling abit frustrated but kept telling myself to stay cool.. just tahan for another 3 mths and i'll be leaving this place.. maybe i will feel sad when the time comes, but i'll be ready to leave comfort zone.. looking forward to our evening swim tomolo.. the weekend is coming (again).. time really flies, when u dun realise it, u may have already completed half of ur life journey.. thinking abt this, i have almost lived to a quarter of a century.. less than 2 mths in counting.. just like previously i was counting down to 20 from 19.. time rocketed.. one day i'll be counting down to 60 and reminiscing what i had achieved..

Friday
Broke my record for the past 10 yrs.. i swam 24 laps today, together with bro wee.. maybe tats when u have company, u tend to be competitive and encouraging.. the pool was rather crowded, perhaps its a friday evening and there are at least 3 swimming classes going on at the same time, in the same pool.. we had to fight for a place in the pool and kept switching lanes to allow those swimming kids to glide thru.. but overall, its a good swim.. we left the pool after completing our target.. so we went shower, this time, the shower room is rather quiet.. i can choose almost any room i want.. hehez.. then we had 15 mins, so we went hougang mall for a quick walk around.. i bot some gummies from mini toons.. $1.60 and shared it with bro.. couldnt finish cuz we are heading to dinner.. then we met up lian-jie, saw her walking past but she din see us, so we played a trick on her, by following her quietly behind.. bro din answer her call and we just kept walking silently behind.. who knows, my action was too huge and she saw me when she turned.. my goodnes... CAUGHT! we had dinner at kopithiam.. i ordered yong tau fu but couldnt finish the noodles.. then i drank a cup of coffee.. after that, we went home respectively.. tomolo gonna meet up both of them for lunch and shopping, in the evening i'll have a concert at VCH.. going to meet my dear ex-colleagues again! wonder if i will meet JK.. ??? if Jo or sheryl ask him to go, i think he will be there to show support, unless he is not in singapore.. well, i do say that i wish to see him.. i havent seen him for more than a yr already and wonder how is he doing.. hmm.. i also dunno if he's still staying here... anyway, i'll just keep my fingers crossed.. :)

*My dear mei told me she patch back with qq.. hehez.. happi for u, dear mei.. so u must treasure this time ok?! second chance is rare in most cases and there might not always be a third chance, u must bear in mind yah?! well well, maybe u will have less time for this jie of urs liao.. but but, we will always stay in touch via sms, phone, msn or whatever ok?! No matter what, jie will always be here for u.. and promise me that we will nvr split again okie?! wish u all the best *wink *wink...*

When will sunny days ever come again? =(

I din get a tan yest.. Rainy day and gloomy mood, with dark clouds hovered above me again :( I am feeling moody again.. was supposed to be a happy day yest but somehow, it got ruined by my poor mood.. chris noticed it.. I am pretty sorry to the gals, frankly speaking, i really like them very much, but somehow, something else got the better of me.. why am i worrying about things again? din i tell myself over and over again, not to worry about money, not to worry about the future? just live my life happily and make each day counts.. something is wrong somewhere.. kept receiving msgs from those people i dun wish to hear from, and they bothered me.. I really cant find out whats the problem with me.. why am i dwelling on things of the past? why wont they let me go? why did the ghosts of the past kept haunting me? when will they ever let me off? shopping and splurging only neutralize the feeling momentarily, the nostalgic feeling just came back when it likes...

This Weekend

Both yesterday and today were equally busy.. alright, yesterday morning I was at home mugging and doing up my tute questions.. rather unproductive I guess.. In the afternoon, met up Chris for shopping, then Fernie joined us at about 3pm.. We checked out that Forever21 store that I wanted to visit since a very long time ago.. Oh my goodness.. that store is really in a mess.. and the fitting room is too crowded.. I only bot a scarf and nothing else.. later we went to future state at wisma and the cashier's attitude really sux.. I regret buying the pair of earrings there, having to look at her "face colors".. WTF.. Mango is real damage, I spent 55 bucks there when i cant decide which top to buy, this is called splurging.. after we said goodbye to chris, we went to check out the crystal jewellery at chomel, taka and other accessories counters.. so, i bot the butterfly ring i bio for a while liao, another cute ring, and 2 brooches as xmas present.. walked to HMV and bot 2 vcds.. then we head to PS for dinner at BK.. *Thanks to mei for buying me the chk whopper jnr! sweet!* we checked out some stores, visited our fav xodus, and at POA, we tried on some tube dresses, took some pics but din buy anything... hehe.. bot an eye palete set at sasa and a top at S&K as xmas presents.. we tried on some dresses at mphosis and took some pics as well.. nice dresses but a little problematic.. either too big here, too tight there or too short there... we met up kaka and had supper at KFC.. went to fernie's place.. while she's bathing, i chatted with her mum and xiang.. packed her stuff then her elder bro sent us back to my home.. we slept rather late, or early perhaps.. hehez...

this morning was woken by ah-pok's barks, mum's nags, tv noise etc.. (again! =_=) hate it! everytime when I am off i cant have a good sleep.. it happened on sat as well.. 2 days in a row, no wonder my eye bags are becoming eye luggages.. the sound proofing in my room is terrible!! chris overslept so after meeting elena, we went for a 2nd round of breakfast before finally meeting up chris at noon.. elena is a sweet gal and actually found that she was ms foo's piano student.. and she was either enrolled by joanne or me during my era at cms.. i can rem this name and her appearance vaguely.. what a small world.. well, so we swam, play cards and took alot of pics...! but it began rainning.. so we seek shelter at sakae sushi, ate sushi, ate ice-cream, play cards.. when we finally decided to pack up, we went for a shower in the rain.. gosh! it was freezing.. got changed and went for a second round of ice-cream.. downright sinful.. head home afterwards.. feeling tired and sleepy now..


4 gals, preeeetty right??? :)

My fav pic ~ Elena took it! Thx!

Singapore Idol Craze...

Freaking Busy!!! But I still want to blog this.... WHO ARE THE 2 SINGAPORE IDOL FINALISTS???? WHO WILL KENA KICK OUT TONITE!!!! SYL! PLS GOD! KICK OUT SYL!!!!!

MY GOD...!! WTF! What kind of result is that??! Cant believe that OLINDA actually got KICKED OUT..?? SYL - finalist..?? KaOzZzzzz... how can he get in with that kind of looks and voice... sh*t la... nvm, I will surely vote for TAUFIK.. TAUFIK THE SG IDOL.. HE ROCKS!

Ya, disappointed with the idol result and saw Florence Lian crying.. feel like crying with her.. how can Olinda be kicked out from the competition? This is absurd!! So sad that she got kicked out.. her voice is so terrific and she is looking better by the day.. this whole voting thingy is getting on my nerves.. kaOzZzzz... those ignorant teenage girls who voted for Sly.. waste of money only.. Sly will be a disgrace to SG if he ever gets on the world idol stage.. poor diction, weak vocals.. kAoZzzz... think i will shift my focus to Taufik instead... he stands a better chance and i believe he will do SG proud rather than Syl on the world idol stage...

bz today at the office and i knock off only at 7pm.. alot of stuff to continue clearing next week.. tomolo's an off day.. *GREAT*.. meeting fernie and chris for food and shop.. wondering if that kitty guy's gonna contact me, if not, i will meet him.. anyway I am not keen.. wahahaa... ciaoz

L00king ForwArd

Thursday
A freaking busy day.. still tons of work to do tomorrow.. Made it on time to catch the final 3 of Singapore Idols.. Have to comment on Olinda's powerful voice.. I've always liked her performances and she has never failed to capture the judges and audience's hearts... Taufik is making tremendous improvement with each episode... he really sparkled and his first song, "Ain't no sunshine" was commented by Dick Lee as a "World Idol" performance... I truly agree with that.. his voice is fantastic and diction is great, except he crumbled his forehead too much.. but anyway I think these 2 stands a very good chance to be the Singapore Idol.. I would not be surprised which of them got the title.. Syl's performance today, is well, disappointing.. first phrase into "Music of the night".. hmm.. can't make it.. he just dun have the opera kinda voice, his diction is unclear and the second song is equally weak... 3rd song is better at least he's performing his genre, but his vocals are just arent that powerful and his diction is really terrible... I think he shd be thrown out in this round.. if not, i would think singapore is full of young gals... planned to study tonite but din do so.. tired now and sleepy.. or rather, just plain lazy... last day of the week tomolo.. sat's plan is study, meet that kitty guy, meet chris for shop, shop, shop.. then sun is SENTOSA! YAY! l00king forward!!

- Fri 12.26am Home -

Where does my beauty lies...?

Your Beauty lies in Plain Sight. Plain, simple and the girl next door. People tend overlook you as you are the "normal girl", but you're actually very beautiful. And you have plenty about you to set you apart, but more that lets you blend. People love the stability you have because as others may come and go, you will always be there and you may always be the same. You like simple things and that's what people like about you. You most likely enjoy things most consider normal, like movies, shopping, that sort of thing and are very friendly and probably have many friends. You are sweet and kind and that shows on you, but you're also strong and not very naive. You're a rather well-rounded individual. Even though some people pass you off as just another girl, shrug it off because they don't know what they're missing.

Some Things That Represent You:

Element: Earth, Light
Animal: Cat
Color: Pinks, Blues, Browns
Song: Girl Next Door by Pilot
Expression: Simple Smile

Gemstone: Alexandrite
Mythological Creature: Fox, Demon, Hobbit
Sign: Tauros
Planet: Jupiter
Hair Color: Light Brown
Eye Color: Brown

Quote: "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

What type of girl are you??

Tried this quizz.. rather cute!


Your like an angel. You pocess love and bring love to any thing or person. You love being yourself. Even though your cute or not. I think your just awesome. Like you are peace:)

What Type Of Girl Are You??? (Amazing Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Reminiscene 17 Nov

Wednesday

Another seemingly bad day at the office.. felt moody and frustrated with stuff.. had a hard time fighting back tears in the lady's restroom and planning on my resignation again.. staying on in a job that you obviously dun like is really damaging to both your physical and emotional well-being.. in the afternoon met up the fedex people and find them full of life.. they must have loved their job very much.. how I wished i could also be like them.. working on stuff that i like and enjoy my everyday... talked to chris and ollie.. haiz, "Hang it there!" they said! really like chris' positiveness.. she was saying this that made me laugh: if i were you, i would be happy to think that i'm graduating and quitting next year... :) One good thing about today is my blog is no longer followed by those kaypohs.. can finally find some peace and not let those strangers know so much about my life...

attended class just now.. stole some time to work on my tute question this afternoon and proved to be worth the effort as my presentation went on smoothly and the answer was correct... last min work and making use of company's resource without feeling guilty.. this is me these days.. rem those days when i was working in cristofori, things like that were non-existent.. i was overly concerned with conserving the company's resources and ensured practically no wastage.. and i was always working working and working non stop.. no lazing and i just enjoyed my everyday.. did i make a mistake to leave the company? there shouldn't be any regrets now.. it has already been 2 years now.. going back there is impossible and i just have to move on from here...

- 11.40pm Home -

Daily Reminiscene 15 - 16 Nov

Tuesday
Had a really bad day at da office.. haiz.. long story.. Just put down the phone with fernie.. and we've chatted for abt 2hrs..??? its been a really long time since i last chatted with someone for soooo long.. i think its been since "him"... somehow or rather, the bad feeling dissipated after the chat... maybe its better than keeping everything inside and complaining can be a good way to relieve stress! would be a good idea if i can join fernie for swim&sauna tomolo.. hmm.. oh well.. gotta work :( just moved my bloggie to a new site: bedazzledbywen.blogspot.com.. just dun wish too many strangers to follow my blogs and know too much of my life.. wanna keep it private.. hmm... i think i'm a lil sick of the whole online thingy.. i might close my frenster account.. and maybe after my broadband contract with singnet, might revert back to using dial-up with a limit of 13 hrs per month.. wahahaa.. minimise online hrs, save $ or just back to stone age?? Yabba dabba Dooooo.... dun care.. tute tomolo :( sicko.. when will this draggy course ever end??? and when will my ordeal at the office ever end..???? cant wait for the new year to arrive and everything will have a fresh start! Then I shall.. Ready,! Get Set, GO!!!! start all over again and live my life to the fullest...!!!

Frankly speaking.. I shd be quite contented with my life now.. I am getting closer to my frens, find back my long-lost cousin, and contact my aunties more often.. what more can i ask for..?? Must pay tribute to those pple who have played a part in my "recovery"...

The "Da-jie" cum Touching Award: Ms Ho Lee Lian
For lending me a shoulder to cry on, give me lots of tissue, listening to all my woes, counseling me, pei me for k-ge, shopping, and eating, bringing me on an escape to Langkawi, sms me whenever she misses me.. etc etc... You are so honoured to be bestowed the award of the Da-Jie, which is the grand award of the year!!! CHEERS!!!

The "Da-ge" cum Funny Man award: Mr Terence Wee
For counseling me, telling me lots of inspirational stories, cursing him, pei me for sports & k-ge, bringing me on an escape to Langkawi, sms me silly but funny messages, etc etc... You are one real dinosaur I ever know! Wahahhaa... Good man of the year!!!!

The Email and xCB Award: Ms Chris Hew
For sending me emails everyday at the office, sharing with me stories of man, man, man and man, teaching me tactics, making me laugh, pix-taking, shopping and non-stop talking when we are together, not forgetting, the xcb-ness (xiao char boh) etc etc... You are truly one great fren to be with!!

The "Xiao-mei" and Make me feel young Award: Ms Fernie Tok
My Sweet cousin ~ For making me feel young once again, for making me laugh, for the additional knowledge on blogging and msn plus, for non-stop chatting, the madness when we are together, for the pix-taking, shopping, eating, bikini-hunting, etc etc... Feels so good to be reunited with you! Miss those good old days when we were younger and crazier with movies like "Jia You Xi Shi", "Flintstone", etc etc.. You rule Gal!!

The "Jie-Mei" and Help-me-no-matter-what Award: Ms Joanne Lim
For being there for me when i need most, pei me, talking to me and go Langkawi with me, for helping me in both orthodox and unorthodox (only we know what happened.. heh) ways, and just being concerned about me.. You are a great buddy Yah!!!

The "Cursing" and Newcomer Award: Ms Allis-something
My new net fren who had met twice.. got to know her shortly after my breakup with him.. Thanks to her for making me laugh, showing concern, for cursing him, for chatting with me when i feel bored, etc etc.. You are one fresh pal i wanna keep!!

And other people whom I wanna thank: Ah Pok for letting me hug hug when I need it, mother for nagging and making-me-feel-da-need-to-be-strong, dad for driving me home from school and trying to strike up silly conversations when i appear to be sad, sis for the effort to make me feel less frustrated, Kaikai for making me laugh and letting me hug, bro&sis-in-law for the effort to bring kaikai to our hse, office-ah-wee for singing indian songs at the office and making me laugh, Ollie for sending me emails in da office and making me less bored, Tracy for writing me that card, Jamie for showing concern, KP for driving me out that night, Boss for letting me off for a few days, my towel for accompanying me during my wet-da-pillow nights, my body for making me lose some weight that i yearned for a very long time to lose, my credit-card for supporting my splurging, my company for paying me the salary on time and allowing me to spend, my wardobe for allowing me to stuff things that i bought, and so many so many people/animals/things I wanna thank...! THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

- End of Awards Presentation - 12.58am - Wed - Home -

Monday ~ Selamat Hari Raya Puasa
lazy day.. today is the long time in ages that I din suffer from monday blues.. haha.. you shd know why.. hope i wont suffer from tue/wed/thu and fri blues either.. oh, slept really early this morning -- 3am.. shi*k sia.. my IE is pronounced DeaD.. and kena that shitty spyware.. always pop up that bl**dy window with a naked woman and thanking me for choosing that bl**dy site.. when did i ever choose that site? damn those crazy people!oh well, today is a relaxing day.. still got that tute to work on.. and so i worked on it.. study abit.. then went swimming with terence.. woah! there were so many pple there.. fighting with one another over the pool.. we were there deciding whether to go in then it began drizzling.. Nothing's gonna falter my determination to swim, so we went in.. no thunder, no stopping us.. and so we swam.. for abt an hr.. cleared 16 laps.. but had to get out of the pool when thunder strikes.. our target was 20 laps and still leaves the balance 4 laps to clear next time.. haha.. stress sia.. damn, so many pple at that shower room.. maybe i get a room 10 years later.. and so i just dried myself at the changing room and got out.. Terence bot us hot milo and fishballs.. the fishballs are really soft and really hmm.. not delicious.. after that we went home respectively.. i showered and feel abit sleepy now.. maybe later gonna meet the couple for prata.. haiz.. disappointed sia.. just worked out and now kena binge on food.. reminding myself that i will not eat so much lata.. tat's all man....

- 7.02pm Home -

Daily Reminiscene 12 - 14 Nov

Sunday
Nice snooze.. dad & sis's bday celebration in the morning.. we had normal coffeeshop food in a family.. bro bringing kaikai to wild wild wet afterwards.. we head home.. mugging mugging in the afternoon but dilly dallying again.. so only managed to finish half of the questions.. now gg out for a walk.. sianz to cope up at home..


Kai and Yvonne @ Sin Ming Road Coffeeshop

- 5.53 Home -

Feel so good to get out of the hse.. least not turning mouldy.. tot of gg PS but dunno why, just followed the crowd to suntec.. wahahaa.. *am i crazy or wat?*.. supposed to meet somebody but there was a sudden change of plans.. well, such a good sunday and i shouldnt cope myself at home, tats why i decided to go out on my own.. there are sales everywhere at suntec.. i'll be sorry if i din carry something home.. yet, i reminded myself to spend only on cheap stuff.. wahahaa... so i stepped in esprit and bot a white tank top for 12 bucks.. tried on some ex jeans at topshop... chris said the cutting is good so wanted to get a feel of it.. anyway, trying is frEe wat.. i never intended to buy anyway.. hmm.. no comments lor, its abt $20 cheaper than Levis but i still prefer the latter... i visited several stores, got a feel of things but din buy anything.. tot of visiting carrefour (havent been gg there for a long time, used to go there quite often with him..) but eventually i din.. so i saw ebase and kena attracted by the storewide 30% sale (again).. tried on 2 tops and bot them both.. its cheap ok! just $21 get 2 tops.. how to get such bargains these days??? so today, I spent total $33 to get 3 tops.. cheap sia.. the stores started to close and i realised i have been shopping alone for 2 hours.. could have gone further but everyone seemed to be travelling towards the exit, so again, i followed the crowd... then citylink then doby ghaut.. oh! kaka knock off at 9.30pm, which means i can accompany her on the train since i have to pass by PS anyway.. somemore, i havent had dinner yet.. so, i went to meet kaka and ate a tau sar pau.. we went for a quick shopping at carrefour (eventually i still went to carrefour yet in a different branch).. bot kaka a yoghurt drink and few pieces of sushi myself.. back home, i shared the sushi with mummy, and here i am, blogging..

Feel abit bo liao today, so wanna review my lipstick collection.. so, i have 14 lipsticks, 2 lip balms and 1 lip gloss in all.. is it considered alot?? some people think so, some people dun think so.. i am one of those who doesnt think so.. there are still so many brands of lippie that i havent conquer.. esp the upmarket ones, like bobbi brown, MAC, Prescriptives, etc.. i realise those i have mainly came from watsons.. well, the brand i had the most is maybelline, total 4 of them.. but it does not mean its my fav brand.. i dun have a particular fav.. i only look for the colors, smell and feel.. but my past fav was bodyshop which i had 3.. now i no longer shop there for cosmetics.. worth mentioning ones are revlon (the color is nice but the smell is not), red earth (i only have one), clinque (free gift!), loreal (only 1, regret choosing the color, but the smell is nice!), and the latest one i've bought is in2it.. came from watsons, not branded but the color and feel are good.. somemore its cheap! $10 only!


My Lipstick collection

- Mon 2.36am Home -

Saturday 13 November 2004
Happy Birthday to Sis! 28 Years liao wor~!~!

Saturday
working shift today.. late, really very late.. forgot my breakfast and went hungry.. wanted to study but no concentration this morning, wasted abit of time.. lata be gg to ah-hoon's hse to see ah-girl and ah-boy.. arrrgghhh.. forgot to bring my cammie.. sh*t.. have been waiting for this day to take pix of babies but F0rGot!! how can how can??! stupid me..! will be damned late if I go back home to get it so not gonna head back.. haiz.. tonite most prob be burnt studying and doing tutorials.. hate this kind of life!!

- 12.20pm Office -

Pipit Road, off circuit road,this is where ah-hoon stays.. hmm... sounds like ah-mah's place 20 years back and indeed it is! Took 158 from Aljunied Mrt stn and passed by the places where I stepped foot on while growing up.. ah-mah's hse at blk 49, the market opp, the familiar neighbourhood where my cousins and i played.. the badminton court and the playground.. brought back lots of childhood memories.. ya, not forgetting the ice-cream man who peddled ice-cream every night and all the children rushed out when they hear the sound "ding ding ding.." silly me, forgot to bring that cammie along, else will snap some shots of that old place, where ah-mah used to live and where i spent part of my childhood.. 20 years just passed like that, ah-mah have moved out from there almost 20 years liao and she had moved on to heaven 5 years ago..

ah-hoon's children are certainly cute! Charleen Deng Qi-En and Colin Deng Junjie.. such cute babies with cute names.. like we said, ah-hoon is rushing for her plane.. *wahahaa.... one after the other..* Charleen is only 1 year and here comes Colin at 1 month now.. but its double joy for the family as everyone adore the babies.. really CuteZzz...! Feeling sleepy and the journey back home is such a tedious one.. i transferred 3 bus routes in total.. Drowsy when reached home so I collapsed into dreamland.. *No dreams though* Woke up just in time to catch the encore telecast of Singapore Idols where Chris Lee got voted out.. Olinda's performance is certainly wonderful and Leandra's voice is supersweet.. hmm.. i dun really like Daphne's rendition of that piece, Lullaby-something.. Taufik is a good singer and Syl.. hmm.. i think i would prefer him singing in mandarin.. his diction is.. not so clear lor.. No comments for Chris Lee, he has to go ultimately... just came back after a jog.. abit tired today and only ran 1.5 rounds and walked the remaining 1.5.. need to pom pom then start mugging.. what a day..! the nap is indeed shi*k~!~!~!~!

- 10.32pm Home -

Friday
Hmm.. supposed to be a free-free day yet boss suddenly came in at 11.30am.. oooh.. need to rush a bl**dy report instructed by big boss.. so helped him till 2.45pm and missed my lunchtime.. haiz.. lost appetite, but went out to get a bao in case lata go swimming get hungry.. who knows, it began drizzling.. and my swim dream became a binge reality.. sighz x 3.. had a hor fun at hans, then went window shopping at suntec.. really tempted to get that pair of levis 599 jeans, with a damaging price tag of $129.50!!! everywhere we went, displayed nice nice clothes.. topshop, esprit, etc etc.. but reframe myself from buying anymore.. enough is enough and its time to start saving up!! lata met up kaka at PS cafe cartel.. another binge.. hmm.. clash with sis.. she's always like that, so hot tempered and impatient.. God's arrangement, no choice lor.. wah, that pork ribs must have came from the fattest pig in the farm.. couldnt be finished by 4 (slim) ladies.. reframed from creamy milky coffee, i chose a fizzy soda instead.. alittle sweet though.. we hit kaka's hse lata for a chat and pick up sis's flowers, oh yea, HapPy BdAy, SiS!! 28 years old liao wor, when are you getting married...??? wahaha.. sent fernie home before we make our way back.. gossip gossip on the journey and sis acknowledged that nigel and her are together for a few months liao.. SUpEr GoSsip YoY!! Heheheee.. but i quite like him and gonna invite him to Dad's bday breakfast on sunday! YAY~!! Snooze time... ZzzzzzzZzzzz......

- Sat 1.59am Home -

Happy Deepavali ~ K-ge YAY!

Thursday 11 Novemeber 2004
Happy Birthday Dad! 52 years liao wor~!~!

Happy Deepavali..! Well, i dun really care abt this festival as long as its a public holiday for me :) Enjoyable day =) 11am-2.45pm : k-ge session with my gang @ K-Box Hougang.. sang a number of songs by my fav chinese singers like coco lee, karen mok, a-mei and faye wong.. enjoyed the most was a-mei's "Hen jiao se" and karen's "ta bu ai wo".. haiz.. my voice deteriorates.. couldnt sing as well as before and couldn't get into the mood either.. croak like a frog instead, a frog with lots of marbles in the mouth.. needs more practiceS.. Ooooh.. fernie can sing well.. swEet voice.. hehe.. guess her interest in singing was probably inspired by me :P... breakfast cum lunch was so-so.. a unagi rice set.. after singing time was shopping time, or rather, splurGing time! Hmm.. I din really buy much wat.. shd place the blame on the prices of goods these days.. rocket high.. benefits the capatalists and consumers made worse off.. wOoo... really like those ballet shoes in x:odus! there's the white ones, pinkie ones, black ones, pearl, ribbon, etc etc.. i grabbed a pair of black catherine ballets! enjoyed l00king and feeling those nice clothes in my fav POA and M)phosis... but bot nothing... signed up an eye brow trimming package (waste $, regret regret..) and bot a discounted top from Ebase.. dinner was nice.. had char siew noodles and dim sum with fernie ^_^ @ Crystal jade.. we walked to cineleisure to get my purple swimwear and then had ice-cream at this lousy cafe called buttercup coffee.. melted ice-cream, alittle too sweet soda.. hmm.. not a very good experience.. we head home afterwards via the NEL.. GreAt dAy! swimming with fernie (again! YAY!) tomolo then meeting kaka for supper.. hehez ^_^ -


The Hen jiao se ~ Tat's me at the mic! YOY!


Fernie, the sweet vocals...


Terence and Lian-jie


The k-ge gang!


My dinner ~ Yum yum yummy!

- 11.42pm Home -

Daily Reminiscene 8 - 10 Nov

Wednesday
Today, abit bz, abit frustrated.. things dun turn out so well at work, and everything seems to be at a bottleneck and can't proceed.. sh*t.. I really think I am not suitable in logistics line.. I love to dream and the arts fancinate me.. like Jamie always says, the plane doesn't wait for people.. (does it wait for me???) must reconsider my career plans.. oh yea..! i shd work in esplanade or victoria concert hall (as a cleaner???) tonite got class.. another bore.. life seems dull.. looking forward to k-ge tomolo with fernie and my gang.. wahahaa.. and dad's bday.. where are we gg to eat?? no news yet.. oh, bro coming back tonite.. tomolo can see kaikai again..! great great! have to get thru today.. rock and roll tomolo.. dunno what I'm typing today, lots of funny sentences.. maybe I'm in a funny mood today.. kekez.. oh well, nevermind!

- 11.20am Office -

I never felt like this before.. today's in a good mood, which i cant explain why.. work is hrmm.. normal and sianz got tute, but still the mood's pretty good.. woke up?! enlightened..??! cant explain and dun bother to explain.. wah, long weekend eh? but the schedule is damn packed.. everyday filled with activities and seems like leave no time for me to study.. siao liao.. must vacant one day out to bi men xiu lian.. else exam comes.. will DIE =_= counting down for knock off~! YAY~~!~!~!

- 4.53pm Office -

Tuesday
Normal work day.. Emotionally stable, weather is hrmmm... fine.. exchanged several emails with chris, talked about the relationship thingy.. and my r/s with him.. think he wants to patch things up.. but then, i'm abit tired of this thingy.. well, have to proclaim that i am not gonna get involved in any r/s at this moment.. and, i am NOT looking for a bf... my mind's as tranquil as water and i'm happi living the life i'm living now.. those who are interested, pls dun waste ur time.. I believe i am self-dependent and can definitely live on my own.. men are nothing to me.. wahahahaaa....

- 11.47am Office -

Went for a jog in the evening.. *great feeling*.. have to start building up my stamina.. getting old, metabolism rate decreasing.. fat will start accumulating at the undesirable area if I dun work out.. starting to get disciplined on the exercising bit but still need to work harder on the studying bit.. seems that I have again dillied dallied.. tot of starting at 9 but its already way past 9.. no way am I succumbing to the temptations at home.. gotta work hard and enjoy the last 5 weeks of student life.. then a lifetime of being a graduate will come ^_^

- 9.43pm Home -

Monday
I have no idea whats wrong with my ah-gong pc.. sometimes I can blog, sometimes I can't.. and I realise that I can type into an IE window only when I open the 3rd window onwards.. strange... weird... funny... or rather, its possessed by Ju-On? Sadako?? Any logic??? Oh yea, I am looking forward to this week's idol competition as I have missed 2 weeks in a row.. must catch the repeat telecast on this coming sat for 2 consecutive weeks... wonder who kena kicked out last friday... just finished writing an email to kate.. talking about her, we have a long history going 11 years back.. this pretty lady from Thailand was my classmate in sec 1.. we are very very close for a while until some funny thing, which I cant rem exactly (maybe its my strange temper???) that we stopped talking for a year.. when I finally decided to patch things up with her, she left singapore.. lots of regret.. nonetheless, we kept in close contact thru snail mail and then to email.. in 1999, I flew alone to bkk to see her.. it was my first time alone on a flight, but i was not afraid cuz of the will to see my best friend.. so many years passed and we still remain good friends.. however, in 2001, she left for boston right on the day 911 happened.. though it happened in NY, but boston is just nearby.. i was darn worried as I did not hear from her for weeks.. her first email came finally and I was so relieved.. yet shortly after she reached boston, we lost contact again for about 2 years.. I wrote snail mails to both her boston and bkk homes and sent lots of emails to her relentlessly.. until one fine day, she replied!! Right now, she is very stressful over work and lots of stuff that she would not tell me.. I just pray to God that she would be fine over there and hope we could meet again.. this is another story about me..

- 8.59pm Home -

Daily Reminiscence 1 - 7 Nov 2004

SuNday: A w0nderful 0ne

All computers seemed to be at odds with me.. my ah-gong pc seems to be sick again.. this computer thingy is driving me nuts.. can't seem to receive any emails from work either.. haiz.. think my IE kena spyware or what.. couldnt open up any IE windows that I could type in, such as blogging.. sh*t.. I give up! have to look for a doctor liao.. gonna call ivan...

Evaluation for yesterday (Sunday) was fantastic! Such a relaxing weekend I've enjoyed for such a long time.. had a wonderful sleep.. half the day was gone when i woke up.. was online playing games with fernie and chatting with chris at the same time.. was supposed to go badminton with terence in the late afternoon but unfortunately, he couldnt make it due to work issue.. nevertheless, met up fernie to go jogging at punggol park.. then we drove to compass point to meet up lian-jie and terence for dinner.. metro was on 20% storewide, but i didnt splurge.. (does my toothpaste count??) we relaxed into starbucks for drinks and treated ourselves to an oreo and sumatra coffee cheesecakes.. abit sinful yet tasty.. am glad that fernie is able to click very well with my frens :) With these people in my life, I think I am very contented.. good family, good cousin, good frens, what else can I expect?? Holidays coming.. gonna meet up these people for karaoke session, swimming with terence, and sentosa with chris.. life seems so wonderful for now.. but could not get into the relaxed mode so quickly... still have 2 papers to clear :(

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- Wen signed off: Mon 10.05am @ Office -

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SatUrDay: A Relief after so l0ng ^_^

Lectures are 0ut!!!!! YAY!! If I will pass the last 2 papers then lectures will be forever 0ut!!! still 5 more tutorials to go.. countdown: 6 weeks... had a very tiring day today yet really happy.. think part of the worse is over :) the presentation went on smoothly and realised that I passed the NM mid terms out of a 50% failure rate.. wahahaa! Had lunch at sizzler with tracy and jamie and we really enjoyed it.. even though its the last lunch we could have on a lecture day... after class went to meet fernie at bugis.. had helluva fun with this new shopping mate!! bot pants from GG>5, tank top from esprit, denim skirt from palia store, and a top from POA.. bought fernie a butterfly ring made in japan.. can tell she really like that.. she has been bio-ing it for quite awhile liao but 30 bucks might be alot to a poly student at this moment.. from the look of her face, she feels bad to make me spend the $.. but then I am so happi to buy her the ring.. its definitely worthwhile and i would rather pamper her than any other people.. also bot her a nice top from POA.. discounted price: $18 from $48!!! We hit PS later to see kaka (my gu-gu or her ah-yi)... this smart gal drives and we quickly found a parking lot in the super crowded carpark!! At PS foodcourt, kaka bought us korean food.. nice and yummy!! 9pm, we scan thru esprit new store but bot nothing.. quickly, had to pickup weixiang and their dad to airport.. 10pm reach airport, plane landed and shortly after, our parents emerge from the crowd! The day ended here with fernie.. but back home, we msn and she turned on her webcam showing me things her mum bot.. wah! quite alot yoy! weixiang was showing me his good yoyo skills over the webcam.. these 2 cousins of mine are so CuteZzzzz.... cant describe how I adore them!!! cute xiang msn me this:
Fernie says:
the mother monster have not die yet from the big bome

Fernie says:
the mother monster is a aline a big big big aline!

Fernie says:
the robot help the humen to kill it the robot dead&a aline pot out agein!

really made me scratch my head.. wondering what he is trying to say... wahahhaaa.....! CuteZzzz..... (*xiang is fernie's 8-yr-old bro)

too bad today no cammie with me, else i will take lots of pictures to capture this day.. happy to see the people i like and lectures finally drew to a close.. haiz... so many good memories from school.. mixture of feelings but very relieved though... sleepy sleepy.. snooze...

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- Wen signed off: Sun 1am @ Home -

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SatUrDay Very EarlY M0rning

Haiz... supposed to upload Sarah Mclachlan's Last Dance.. it worked on the computer where I uploaded it but didn't work elsewhere.. fed up with this whole technology thingy.. hmm.. me just no techie person lor.. Okie, so upload this new piece by Shaznay Lewis.. nice song.. tiring day, really.. class ended at 10pm.. reached home by 11pm and did the laundry.. till 12.30pm.. alot of people already drifted to Lalaland liao.. still have to wash the dishes and feed ah-pok supper.. my sis is out of sight.. haiz.. didnt take dinner tonite.. no appetite.. 1.30am, she's back with her guy fren *BIG TIME GOSSIP* are they together already..?? she just wont say.. asked her umpteen times liao.. but no response.. well then, the truth speaks for itself.. he's staying here for the nite (again).. wahaha.. tomolo mum&dad coming back yoy, if u're not the official bf then no chance liao.. maybe next yr when they go vacation again.. hehehez.. okie okie, my lips are SEALED.. ==zipped== hrmmm... he's a nice guy la.. anyway, know him for a few yrs liao and he's pretty matured.. hmm.. i think 30 liao bah.. hehee... if they are together then I'll be very happy.. happy for my sis really! she's been thru a hard time the last time round.. i hope she finds her happiness.. *wicked me was telling chris, will be happy if she gets married cuz the whole hse will be mine.. wahahhahaaaaa...* but sisters will be sisters.. no matter how "unclose" we are, still will be happy for her no matter what.. late liao le.. tomolo got class and presentation at 9am sharp sharp.. snooze le..

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- Wen signed off: 2.28am @ Home -

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FriDay: LoneS0me in 0ffice
Both bosses out for meeting this morning.. rather quiet here on the 2nd level of the office with noone but just me.. lonely me.. was there chatting with fernie till 1+ last nite.. dun wanna sleep but have to sleep.. was relieved to clear the NM paper last nite.. there's 2 quizzes tonite and presentation tomolo morning.. Finally, tomolo will be the final lecture.. having a mixture of feelings here.. was looking forward to this day yet reminisces the fun of working on each interesting assignment and satisfaction from good results.. not forgetting the closeness of friendship with tracy, jamie and chris.. still can rem those mugging days in my hse and their hses.. the best reward i got from these 2 years is to know this bunch of jie-meis.. chris being the closest and my confidante.. can rem we just packed our bags and escaped to bintan for 3 days in sep last yr.. the banana boat, batik, ady, my sun burnt mark (its still on my back!!) and the motorbike ride are still fresh in my mind... seems like so many things have happened this yr yet these memories are still clearly etched on my mind.. since then till now, both of us fell in love, fell out of love, split for a while then came back even closer together.. nonetheless, we had came to a consensus agreement that we'll make time for each other even after we are attached or married.. there are just so many things to talk abt chris, my close fren, my confidante.. those girlie chats we had, those gossips and guy-spotting in class, not forgetting those shopping trips and photoshoot.. i think we shd have taken ard 300 fotos together so far.. wahahaa.. just bintan alone already got 150... wahahaaaa... last yr we went countdown at downtown east and wonder what we'll be doing this yr.. last yr i was getting over JK and this yr would be AL.. these are initials i established with chris and only she knows i know who they are!! lots of things to blog but both bosses came back liao due to a last minute cancellation of meeting.. okie, back to work!!!

- Wen signed off: 10.09am @ Office -

FriDay Early M0rning
One burden down *phew*.. Finished the 2-hour paper early and realise that there's no lecture tonite.. so just go home early lor.. tummy upset :( dunno what i ate.. went to mac and bot a mcnuggets set for the sake of the blackie hello kitty to help allis complete her collection.. eee.. still 3 more to go but i have already got sick of mac.. Allis ah.. ni bao zhong ba.. i cant tahan mac liao.. hehez... oh, sis' fren is here again! kekez.. wonder if they are patoh-ing.. they just wont say ==zipped== Am chatting with Fernie now and discussed our game plan for sat.. she's so cute with that webcam on.. *wahahaa*.. okie, gonna tok to her for a while more then snooze....

- Wen signed off: 12.32am @ Home -

ThurSday: NM D00msDay
Sipping hot milo while I blog this during lunch.. Can't seem to absorb any of those concepts into my teeny weeny brain.. x.25, frame relay, VPN, TCP/IP, Ethernet LAN, UTP/STP, coaxial, fibre optic, omnidirectional antenna, etc.. how I wished bill gates or michael dell could possess me now.. Not including today, 2 more days to end this week's agony.. haiz.. yet, there's still the 2-hour paper to clear tonite.. have a feeling that I might not make it.. neh.. will try to bullshit a little and see if I managed to get thru alive.. just could not absorb no more.. put those notes aside and trying to behave like rambo.. hope when the result's released, won't appear like.. hmm.. DEAD =_=

Like I told my cousin, when u're 18, u wanna behave like 25.. then, when u're 25, u wanna be 18 again.. haizz.. I'll be turning 25 in a few months' time and how I wished I could be 18 once again.. then I would not make the mistake of worrying too much and wasted all my time.. I would want to live more carefreely.. now, I feel so haggard.. like tracy always mention we are a couple of lao you tiao... so, to all those who are younger, dun waste ur youth, live your life to the fullest.. dun worry wats gonna happen in the future, cuz u will resolve them when the time's ripe.. make your everyday counts... hmmm... now that I've already got something planned for xmas, gotta think where to countdown for new year ^_^

- Wen signed off: 1.28pm @ Office -

WedNesday: StuDious D0mestic Helper
What can I say.. noone can be perfect in every job he/she does.. you can either choose to be a good student or a good employee.. today, I am a poor employee and a half-bucket student.. Have to apologize to boss for my MIA at office.. it wasn't intentional, but I badly need a break to focus on more impt things at the current moment.. Whenever mum&dad go on vacation, I became a temp domestic helper.. took care of ah-pok and did the laundry.. vacuumed and mopped the floor yest, so this task is skipped today.. set all things aside and began studying.. Still feel a lack of focus, maybe brain power dipping.. dun seem to be able to rem things easily nowadays.. unlike before.. GIGO, FIFO, LIFO, all can! Now is NINO = Nothing In, Nothing Out.. ^_^

Meeting sis for dinner later.. just sick of the foodcourt opp our block.. tonite be studying again.. mood's better after last nite.. haiz.. like people say, when the boat arrives at the dock, it will naturally become straight.. did I translate correctly?? Ya, life's tough, but still have to move on.. time won't stop and noone would stop for you.. after ah-gong pc is healed (at least for now) and stole a day's rest today, I felt better, on top of the friendship issue with T&J and the comforting messages I received.. Guess things from now onwards would be better.. let me draw out the schedule for the remaining week:

Thu: NM Mid term; Report submission; NM lecture
Fri: pop quizz; NM lecture
Sat: Presentation; NM lecture; Meet Fernie ^_^; mum&dad back home :)
Sun: Meet Lian & Terence ^_^

Was at Fernie's bloggie just now.. she mentioned the issue of why blog?? Ya, I used to think likewise, people blog cuz they are wu liao and very eng.. I used to have a xanga blog with just 2 entries which was later deleted cuz of lacking the time to maintain.. However, now I feel that blogging can be a way to release stress and a channel to express your inner feelings thru words rather than speech.. a blog is also better than a book diary in the sense that your hands are less likely to ache from typing than writing.. furthermore, blogging is FOC!!! Apart from the internet subscription... One thing I agree with Fernie, about having a few close friends, not able to catch up with them everyday and blog is a way for them to know what you've been up to.. 3 Cheers to Fernie! ^_^

- Wen signed off: 5.55pm @ Home -

WedNesday Early M0rning
Finally done reformating my pc.. reformatted twice.. frustrated, hit pc, restart and restart again and again, internet connection failure, install, uninstall, reinstall DSL modem driver, call Singnet, and finally got it resolved.. all in 6 hrs.. I am just not the technical sorta person... I HATE MANUALS!!! Regretted hitting the pc.. afterall, this ah-gong thingy has been with me for almost 5 yrs.. mei yong gong lao, ye you ku lao... also hurt my hand at the same time :( poor hand.. The process was a teary one (again..) felt so helpless again that nobody could help me with this irritating problem.. I love computers but hate the technical aspect of it.. sms lian-jie for comfort.. again, she and terence had managed to cheer me up abit.. I really miss this couple.. if it hadnt been for them all these while, I would have collapsed.. life is so tough these days.. Checked mails and received replies from T & J.. we finally got our differences resolved and realised that actually we cared for one another alot.. we consider ourselves true friends.. there are times in life we felt utterly stressed and did things that we could not explain.. Just like what I did before.. we go bonkers at times (like my pc) and mindlessly did irrational things that we would regret later.. Nonetheless, noone should look back to the past, cuz we cant walk backwards.. God created human beings to look straight ahead and walk in forward direction.. Felt so much better when our differences are ironed out, received a number of comforting messages (you know who you are =D) that lighted up my road ahead abit.. There are still tons of work to accomplish.. the road ahead seems dark but there are many friends holding torchlights and walking with me... the imagination of it sounds great! There are still more challenges to come.. more obstables to overcome and more hurdles to leap.. I should be braver to face them and learn to be stronger after gaining the experience.. This Aslyn's song will continue to be playing in my blog for quite awhile.. I just felt better whenever I hear it.. it just makes me feel good :) Snooze time...

- Wen signed off: Wed 1.10am @ Home using my newly reformatted ah-gong pc -

TueSday = N0thing seems to g0 right
Aside to this morning waking up like a human panda, I forgot to bring my access card to the office, which made me pretty handicapped.. Worse, my drawer key is kept with the card.. Can't open up my drawer which my "treasures" are kept inside.. to add salt to the wound, my faithful cardigan is also in the locked drawer, which means I might be frozen to death in this cold cold office.. How sad! Eyes hurting from all the crying last nite, adding to the pain is a pair of uncomfy contact lenses.. still look like a panda with eyes partially closed.. promised sis that I'll do the laundry this evening so it'll be a long nite again.. Have to spend sometime to reformat my computer (again) which means deleting all files and programs and reinstalling all the necessary programs (again).. still, have to study for mid terms and tie up the loose ends for NM assignment.. another stressful day.. Hopefully things will get better asap..

Countdown to Sat: 4 days.. will be meeting Fernie for shop&eat and welcoming mum&dad to be back home.. it will be a small break for me before the final exams.. not forgetting the string of PHs next week.. still deciding whether to take leave for next Fri which is a non-PH that exists between the PHs.. make my long weekend even longer.. wahahaaa... okie, still got a few days for me to think think... Already planned for Sunday's activities, however, still have to prepare for next Wed's tute... Just 4 more days and this agony will stop temporarily.. bear with it, wen, you can make it!!! Kambatei!!!

- Wen signed off: Tue 4.05pm @ Office -

M0nday = Sad day :(
Started crying after reading J.'s email.. Supressed emotions finally ignited... she's complaining that we did not contribute much to the assignment and mentioned that it seems she is the only one doing the assignment.. we are always busy with our own stuff and revising for the mid terms, aiming to get good results at the expense of others.. the NM assignment seems to lose quality and lacks team spirit in getting work done... her comments may sound mean and somewhat untrue but I dun blame her entirely.. I really feel that my performance had dipped.. I dun seem to have the enthusiasm I used to have for past assignments.. But I have really tried my best.. My mood has been pretty lousy lately and I can't seem to focus on anything.. my job, my studies and my life are all blurred up.. Totally stressed up.. have not done any revision for forthcoming mid terms and pop quizzes.. mum's not around, noone talks to me at home, my computer went down.. felt so frustrated.. my IE is not working now.. and I cant blog at home.. could be some virus.. dunno how to tackle this problem and cant seem to find anyone to help.. felt so lost, lonely and helpless.. :(

Slept at 3am last nite, woke up like a human panda this morning, with J.'s words still in my mind. Though T. defended me but I think there is no reason for being lazy.. well, I think I am really a bum now.. I used to think I was so smart and hardworking in the past but I think my brains left me already.. I really hope I can live the life I wish, doing something I like, escape from the hustle and bustle of city life.. I am sooo tired.. since started work in 2000, I havent had a good rest.. started doing part time courses in Mar 2001 all the way till now.. I am indeed sooooooooo tired.... If I neednt support my own education, things would be different.. I have missed out so many things in life.. I missed out those days of being a cheery 20-yr-old, going out shopping and movies with galfrens or boyfriend... All I can recall for these few years are just endless work, work, work, and nights of mugging and assignments, assignments, and assignments.... Finally, these will come to an end in 6 weeks' time.. however, I can never go back to being a 20-yr-old again.. time passes and never shall return.. I feel so old and tired...

- Wen signed off: Tue 8.45am @ Office -